Blood and Bones
by Emma Brown
Summary: AU. She wanted Derek, but he was with Addison. In the hopes of getting over her lost love, Meredith begins a relationship with Finn, only this is not is not exactly the relationship she had in mind. Rated T for abuse, language and sexual content. MerDer.
1. A Hard Days Night

__She wanted Derek, but he was with Addison. In the hopes of getting over her lost love, Meredith begins a relationship with Finn, only this is not is not exactly the relationship she had in mind.

Rated T+ for abuse, language and sexual situations.

I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I think that goes without saying.

* * *

_Chapter 1: A Hard Day's Night_

It was around midnight when her shift ended. Meredith lazily walked towards the intern's locker room, itching to peel off her soiled scrubs, step in the shower and finally head home to her warm bed after a long day. Her back was aching, her feet were numb and her head was pounding and it wasn't even the surgeries or countless hours tending to patients that had Meredith aching for sleep. It was dodging Derek all day. Peering around corners, taking the stairs instead of elevators, power walking down the halls with her head down-it took a lot out of a girl. Why she was dodging Derek, Meredith didn't really know. Ever since Derek had found out she was in a relationship with Finn, _their_ relationship had been tense at best and cruel at worst. It infuriated Meredith to no end that Derek would have the audacity to be angry with her for dating their vet. It was none of his business. He lost all privileges of her being his business when he chose Addison.

"What ended up happening to your patient?" Cristina asked, walking towards her friend. She was pulling her curly black hair out of its hair tie and she looked just as tired as Meredith felt.

"Hm? Oh, he crashed on the table. Lost too much blood."

Cristina sighed. "Bummer."

Meredith nodded and felt a pang of guilt enter her stomach when she didn't find herself caring about her lost patient. She was too preoccupied with her romantic life. _Some surgeon_, she thought bitterly.

"Are you seeing McVet tomorrow?"

At this, Meredith felt her shoulders slouch even more. She looked up at Cristina who was ripping off her scrubs, obviously anxious to leave as soon as possible. "Yes," she said, trying to sound more enthused than she felt. Cristina looked at her friend and arched an eyebrow.

"What are you guys going to do? Help a cat birth a litter of kittens?"

"He wants to spend the whole day with me."

"That's sweet," Izzie said, making her presence in the conversation known for the first time. "It's great that he recognizes the hour's surgical interns have. Not many guys are that understanding. Believe me,"

"I know," Meredith nodded. She didn't really want to talk about Finn, mainly because she wasn't sure how she felt about him yet. They had been a couple for almost a month now yet Meredith felt herself pulling further and further away from him with each passing day and she knew the number one reason was currently operating on a brain tumor that very moment. "I really do, it's just…complicated I guess."

"This better not have anything to do with McAssFace." Cristina said, glaring at Meredith. "Mer, you really have to let that go. It's not healthy and quite frankly it's getting a little old. You have to move on."

"It has nothing to do with Derek," Meredith said. His name sounded foreign in her mouth. She hadn't verbally spoken his name weeks.

"Well then, what are you and Finn doing tomorrow?" Izzie asked.

"We're getting breakfast, seeing a movie and then going to the Frye Art Museum. He must think I'm cultured or something,"

"I think you're being a little ungrateful. Finn is a really great guy and he really cares about you." Izzie sounded like she was getting upset and Meredith really wasn't in the mood to hear an Izzie-rant right now. She wasn't sure she could stay conscious for the entire thing.

"Are you coming to Joes?" Cristina asked, obviously sensing that the Izzie-rant coming as well. Cristina was better at avoiding Izzie's emotional tirades better than anyone.

Meredith shook her head. "I really just want to get home, get into bed and sleep until Monday."

Cristina sighed. "You know," she whispered, just so Meredith could hear, "Izzie's not completely wrong."

Meredith knew Izzie was right. Finn was an amazing guy. He called her every morning before work, even when he didn't have to be up for another two hours. He sent her flowers, held her hand and cooked for her. But every time his lips pressed against hers or his tongue entered her mouth, Derek's face entered her mind's eye. His perfect face with his perfect hair and smile and eyes. It made Meredith want to scream and cry and wish she was the same emotionally stunted girl she was in college. Derek changed her. Made her realize she wanted a relationship-if that relationship was with him

The drive back to her house, Meredith was on autopilot. She walked like a programmed robot to her bedroom and climbed into bed, not bothering to shower or change her clothes.

She thought about seeing Finn tomorrow and her stomach twisted with dread. Why did she feel this way? Why couldn't she view Finn like she viewed Derek? Or better yet, why couldn't she be a better woman and end things with Finn instead of leading him on? Finn was a decent distraction and he did show Derek that she was trying to move on even if she did add another line to the mental tally of days she and him went without talking every night.

6 days now. She had successfully avoided talking to Derek all week and quite honestly it felt like she was starving herself of basic human needs. She wondered what he was doing. He was probably leaving the hospital, getting ready to crawl into bed with his wife. He'd wrap her in his strong arms and hold her, breath on the nape of her neck, intertwine their legs together…

Meredith groaned and rolled onto her side, desperately wanting to block out the images in her mind that made her want to stab a scalpel into her heart. No, she had to stop. She had to change her attitude about Finn. Derek had Addison and Meredith was not about to become that girl, pining for her ex-boyfriend until she's old and grey. She did not want the man she was remembering in the nursing home if she ever got Alzheimer's to be the man that led her to getting the nickname 'The Dirty Mistress'.

Meredith blindly reached for her cell phone and flipped it open, dialing number one on her speed dial.

"You better be dying." said Cristina's tired voice.

Glancing at the digital clock, Meredith cringed when she saw it was nearing three o'clock in the morning. "Does mental deterioration count?"

Cristina sighed. "What's wrong?"

"I think I just had an epiphany." Meredith said, her eyes following the shadows of the tree branches as they danced across her ceiling. "You were right and you know it, about Derek and my feelings towards him and how I'm not giving Finn a chance because I'm too obsessed with Derek and what happened between us."

"That's not an epiphany, that's finally having common sense."

"It's hard, Cristina. What I had with Derek…what I felt for him…I never experienced anything like that before. He was my first real boyfriend, really. He was the first guy I actually enjoyed sober sex with."

Cristina snorted. "You're painting a really lovely picture of yourself, Mer."

"I'm serious. I think I'm just worried that things won't be the same with Finn."

"It won't be the same Meredith. You're holding McDreamy up to an impossible standard. You're making him out to be this god in surgical scrubs when in reality he's a dick who lied to you and used you as a toy to get over his wife."

Meredith sighed. "It wasn't like…"

"You have got to stop defending him! You're never going to have a decent relationship with Finn if this continues."

"What would you do? If you and Burke broke up? Would you be able to get over him so quickly? Be able to date and be with another man without thinking of him?"

There was a pause on the other end and Meredith wondered briefly if Cristina had fallen asleep on her. Then she heard a sigh before her friend's voice spoke: "I don't know. I…probably not. Over time, yes, I do think it would get easier but…" She sighed again.

"I should let you get back to sleep," Meredith said. "I have to be up early tomorrow anyway."

"Alright," Cristina said, her voice suddenly sounding sad in Meredith's ears. Maybe she was finally seeing things from her best friend's point of view? Meredith could hope. It would make venting about things a lot easier. "Call me tomorrow night and let me know how it went."

"I will. Sorry I woke you. Goodnight."

"Night, Mer."

* * *

His lips were crushing hers, sucking them so hard Meredith was sure they would fall off. His hands were pawing at her breasts; his body was pushing hers down lower onto the bed. His hands left her breasts and began pulling at her hair, ripping her lips off of his.

"God, you're beautiful," he said before ravishing her neck.

Meredith kept her eyes squeezed shut and began unbuttoning his shirt in a frenzied motion. Her jeans were already in a pile on the floor, her shirt was somewhere in the hallway. His naked body was pressing against hers, his hands tugging at the remaining clothing that covered her body. Slowly he lowered her panties and tossed them over his shoulder before hovering over her. He kissed her again and Meredith sighed, raising her arms above her head.

"Ready?" he asked, but he didn't give her a chance to answer before pushing himself into her. Meredith hissed and arched her back. She was squeezing her eyes so tight she was starting to see bursts of color explode beneath her eyelids. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," he chanted, his hot breath burning her face. He was grunting so loud, he sounded animalistic in her ears. Meredith tried to tune him out and focused on the building pressure in her stomach and groin.

His thrusting became more frantic now and Meredith could tell he was nearing completion. She smiled and let out a soft breath, "Oh Derek,"

The thrusting stopped. Meredith's heart rose in her chest. She opened her eyes slightly and saw the shocked face of Finn staring at her, sweat dripping down his face and neck.

"Finn...I…"

But before she could finish her sentence, Finn was off the bed and pulling on his clothes. Meredith watched wordlessly, not sure what had just happened or what had possessed her to utter Derek's name when she was in the middle of having sex with her boyfriend.

"I should go," she said, feeling uncomfortable sitting in Finn's small bed. She was clutching the sheets up against her bra clad chest, her face burning with embarrassment. Finn said nothing. He didn't even look at her before storming out of his bedroom and thumping down the stairs. "Shit," she muttered before gathering her own clothes that littered the floor around her.

When Meredith slowly descended the stairs, she found Finn's form slouched over a bottle of tequila. He was sitting on his sofa; his face had a look of both anger and confusion. She felt terrible. Finn didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve any of it. They had an amazing day together. They had gotten breakfast, saw a cheesy comedy that had them both groaning from the stupidity and the museum had ended up being more fun than Meredith ever thought it would be. How come she had to ruin everything? It always came back to Derek, Meredith thought bitterly. Even when she was having an amazing time during the day, her mind always traveled back to Derek. She found herself looking around for him in the museum and at the movie theater; even though she knew he would never be there.

"Hey," she said softly, walking towards him. Tentatively, she sat down next to him and grinned at the bottle of tequila. How many times has she been in this exact position, moping over a bottle of the amber liquid? "I'm really so sorry, Finn." He didn't say anything. He just sat, seething, gripping the shot glass in his hand. "I really did have an amazing time today. I can't believe I said what I said…I don't know why I said it!"

"You said it because you're in love with him."

Meredith shook her head. "I'm not."

"Bullshit!" Finn erupted, throwing the shot glass against the wall. It shattered, causing thousands of tiny glass shards to bury their way into the carpet fibers.

"Finn," Meredith breathed. "Calm down."

He turned to face her, his eyes wide. It scared Meredith; she had never seen someone look so harried before. "Calm down?" He asked, his voice laced with a harsh chuckle. "You said another man's name in bed, Meredith! How the fuck am I supposed to calm down?"

"It didn't mean anything!"

Finn shuttered for a moment before swiftly turning towards her and backhanding her across the face. The sound of his knuckles against her cheek echoed in the now eerily silent room. Meredith's mouth opened and closed as her hand covered her face. "You hit me," she said, her voice cracking. "You fucking hit me!"

Finn looked at her and shook his head. "Calm down," he said, mimicking her from before. "I barely touched you."

"No! No, you hit me! It fucking hurts you piece of shit!" she yelled, launching herself off the couch. She started for the door but Finn was too quick and got there before she did, blocking her in. "Let me leave now or so help me I'll…"

"Stop," Finn said. "Just stop…this has gone far enough tonight."

"I'll fucking say," Meredith said, her cheek still numb.

"We both did things we regret, right?"

Meredith shook her head. "What I did doesn't compare to what you did, Finn."

"You said your ex-boyfriends name when we were having sex. I'm willing to forgive that. You have to forgive me too."

"Forgive you?" Meredith asked incredulously. "Forgive you?!"

Finn sighed and reached out, touching her bruised cheek lightly. "I'm sorry, Meredith." He said. "I just…I lost it. Shit," His voice cracked. "Tonight didn't turn out the way I pictured it."

"No, it didn't," Meredith said. "Listen, we've both had a long night. I'm just going to go home and we can talk tomorrow when we've both calmed down."

"No, please," Finn begged, grabbing her arm. "Please don't leave. We can't leave it like this. If we leave it like this tonight it will never go back to the way it used to be."

"The way it used to be? Finn, our relationship…we barely have a relationship. All I do is work and all you do is wait for me to be a better girlfriend."

"I already think you're an amazing girlfriend." Finn said. "Please, just say."

Everything in Meredith's head was screaming at her to leave. Her cheek was still throbbing and her stomach was twisting in a way that made her want to vomit. Yet, she knew Finn was right. If she left now, their relationship would never be the same. Meredith wanted to fight for this relationship and not run from it. "Alright," she said. "I'll stay."

Finn smiled. "Good…good. Um, I'm going to clean up the glass. I'll meet you upstairs in a bit, okay?"

Meredith nodded silently and made her way back up the staircase towards Finn's bedroom. The minute she slipped inside, her hand reached for her cell phone in her pocket. Cristina, she had to call Cristina. She would know what to do. Her finger hovered over the number one. She was about to press it when she heard Finn curse downstairs. No, he wouldn't want anyone to know about what happened tonight. She'd have to keep it to herself if she wanted to move on from Derek and keep her relationship with Finn alive. Without another thought, Meredith closed her phone and sat on the bed, waiting for Finn to come back.

* * *

_A/N: Okay, so I know this has been done before, or at least I think it has. I hope this story can be a bit different than pervious ones and I really wanted to make a story about this topic for a while. This is what happens when I take women's studies classes and all we do for a month is talk about domestic abuse cases. _

_Anyway, I want to warn you that this story is not light. It contains a serious topic that I am going to try and write carefully._

_I really hope you give this story a chance. This story is a MerDer story. _

_Please read and review if you don't mind. _

_x_


	2. Yesterday

**PLEASE READ: **First, I want to thank everyone who left reviews for the first chapter of this story. It really means a lot. I did get one review however that really, really upset me. I deleted the comment, which is something I never do but I had to with this one. It just really got to me and I NEED to write this authors note and **I really hope you all read this before continuing**.

The comment basically said that I was making a mockery of domestic abuse and that I should be ashamed of myself and that I have no idea what domestic abuse is like. **I would NEVER make a mockery of such a horrible subject matter.** I am in no way making this a story where abuse is poked fun at or not taken seriously! As for me for not knowing what domestic abuse is like? I wish that were true. I've been through a lot of shit in my life and I incorporate these life experiences, both good and bad, into my writing. **While this is a fanFICTION story, some of the events ARE real life experiences of mine**.

The fact that anyone would even think I would take something like this, DOMESTIC ABUSE, and make it into a mockery honestly makes me feel sick to my stomach and I'm not sure I want to continue this story if people believe that.

My real name is not Emma Brown. I try and remain as anonymous as possible on here (hence why my profile is only my age and location) and** I never wanted to reveal that I am a survivor of domestic abuse** on here and it's sad that I feel the need to defend myself against anonymous reviews but I must. I purposefully wrote in the summary that this story deals with abuse so if it's triggering, DON'T READ IT.

Yes, Meredith is in an abusive relationship and she's staying with Finn because of Derek and it's love and trivial and STUPID but guess what? THAT'S MY STORY TOO! I did the same thing and YES IT WAS STUPID but does it make it any less real? FUCK NO. So please, don't ever say I don't know what I'm talking about again.

I know I'm ranting and bless your heart if you actually read this (**I really hope you did!**) but that review made me sick and made my blood boil. I want to know what you guys think? Should I continue this story? I mean, I basically have it all written out already but I don't have to publish it if it's going to make people this upset.

And now, the second chapter of the story and hopefully not the last!

* * *

_Chapter 2: Yesterday_

Meredith's blood shot eyes stared at the digital clock in Finn's bedroom. She was due at the hospital in an hour. Zero sleep for two nights in a row would not result in a positive day as an intern. Finn snored loudly next to her before waking himself up.

"Hey, you leaving soon?" he asked her back.

"Yeah," Meredith said, her voice sounded slow in her ears. "My shift starts at seven." She tossed the covers off her body and shivered as the cold air hit her bare flesh. Glancing at her reflection in the mirror by the bedside, Meredith caught a glimpse of a purple mark on the apple of her cheek. _Fucking perfect_.

"We have to talk a bit before you go to work today," Finn said, staring at her as she got dressed. "It's about _him_."

"Who, Derek?" Meredith asked, buttoning her jeans.

Finn licked his lips, anger spreading over his features again. "Don't." He said. "Don't say his name,"

"Well, what about him?"

Finn stood up from the bed and walked toward her, taking her hands in his. "I can't have you working with him. I can't have you…around him. Understand?"

"Finn, I have to work with him. He's one of my bosses."

"No," He said, his hands tightening around her wrists. "Not after what happened last night."

"What do you want me to do?" Meredith asked. "Refuse to work on his cases? Jeopardize my entire surgical career? Just because you're jealous?"

Wrong. Wrong words. Meredith realized this very quickly the moment the words left her mouth. Finn's face turned red right before her eyes. He forcibly took her face in his hand and brought her closer to him. "Jealous? I don't get jealous, Meredith."

"You're hurting me," Meredith squeaked, her eyes widening.

"I just want you to understand," Finn said. "I have plans for us and I'm not going to have them ruined by some fucking brain surgeon. I'm not going to have you ruin my plans for us. Understand?"

"I…I don't understand. What plans?"

Finn squeezed her face a little tighter before letting her go. "Don't worry about it," he said, a smile appearing on his face. "Hey, how about I come by the hospital during lunch? We can eat together?"

Meredith slowly nodded, unsure of what was going on. Her entire body felt numb with shock and surprise. "S-Sure." She muttered. "Um, I really have to leave now."

"What are you gonna do about your face?" He asked, pointing towards her bruise. "People will ask questions and I know you're not going to tell them what happened. That would be really embarrassing for both of us."

"I don't have makeup on me," she confessed.

Finn sighed and started gathering his clothing. "I'll drive you to the drug store. Run in and get something. Then I'll drive you to work."

Meredith nodded. She was sure she had lost all her ability to speak. Nothing made sense. Everything was spinning. Bile was rising in her throat. All Meredith wanted to do was go home and curl up in her bed and pray that the last ten hours was just some horrible dream.

* * *

Burning eyes, slow reflexes, aching limbs, Meredith couldn't bear spending another second at Seattle Grace. Bailey was on her from the moment she saw her resting her head up against the lockers in the locker room that morning. "If Dr. Grey thinks that she can stay out all night doing god knows what with god knows who and expect to be at the top of her game the following day, she has another thing coming. That goes for all of you."

Every time Meredith passed an on-call room, she would stare longingly at it, pining away for the beds and pillow and blankets that resided behind the closed door. Without paying attention, Meredith wandered onto the elevator and once the doors were closed, she rested her head against the wall.

"Rough night?" came a familiar voice. A voice that sent chills down Meredith's spine and caused all the hair on her body to stand on end. Opening her eyes, Meredith saw Derek standing on the other end of the elevator, looking straight ahead. How had she not noticed he was there?

"I haven't gotten any sleep in two days," she said, her voice raspy.

"Hmm, I didn't know Finn had it in him."

Meredith glared at Derek and closed her eyes again. "Don't start with that again, please."

"I'm not starting anything. You're the one dating our vet."

"And you're the one spending every night with your wife!" Meredith hissed. "How is me dating Finn any of your business anyway?"

Derek looked at her. It was the first time they had made eye contact in weeks. They just stared at each other, the air around them crackling with unsaid feelings and unfinished passion. All Meredith wanted to do was push the emergency stop button and pouch on him, rip his clothes off and make love to him up against the elevator doors. However, the tingling in her cheek broke her from her thoughts and she turned her attention back towards the buttons ahead of her.

"Find an on-call room," Derek said, his voice low. "You're no help around here when you can barely keep your eyes open. Maybe tell your boyfriend that the next time you decide to behave like teenagers."

Meredith didn't even respond. She didn't have the energy. The doors opened and Derek stalked out. Tears sprung in Meredith's eyes but she pushed them away. She didn't have it in her to break down now, especially when she was due to meet Finn for lunch in fifteen minutes. Gathering herself, Meredith exited the elevator and made her way towards the cafeteria.

* * *

"So, did you two have a good time last night?" Izzie asked playfully as she, Cristina, Alex, George, Meredith and Finn sat around a table in the middle of the cafeteria. "Meredith looks like she's about to pass out in her salad, so you must've."

Finn chuckled and wrapped an arm around Meredith's shoulders. "We did," he said. "The museum was amazing. Have any of you been?"

"Between sleeping and saving lives, there really isn't a lot of time to be cultured." Cristina said, biting into her sandwich.

Meredith stared at her friends, wanting desperately to tell them what was going on, how she felt like she was crawling out of her skin. How this man with his arm around her hit her last night and hurt her again this morning. She heard Finn laugh at something Alex said. She heard Izzie's voice and George chewing next to her on potato chips. Her eyes lazily scanned the cafeteria until they landed on them. Derek and Addison. They were sitting together, of course, both eating a salad. The same salad she was pretending to eat. Addison looked tired, her eyelids heavy. Derek looked stiff, ridged.

Suddenly, he looked to his left and their eyes met again. His face became sad when he saw she was sitting with Finn. Meredith tired to pry her eyes off him, but the more he stared at her the more she couldn't help but stare back. It was almost like he was trying to communicate with her through his sad eyes. _What are we doing_, they said. _Why are you with him? That should be my arm around you and you know it._ "I know," she whispered.

"What?" asked an amused George. "You know what?"

Meredith shook her head, breaking her trance. She turned to face her friends and saw that they were staring at her, some with amused and others with annoyed expressions on their face. She chanced a glance at Finn and saw that he was staring at Derek, a look of pure hatred on his face.

"I need to talk to you," he said, his voice eerily calm.

"Now? I'm not done eating."

"I think you're done," Finn said, pushing his chair back. Meredith flashed her friends a look but they were too busy looking down at their food, pretending they didn't realize what was going on.

Finn dragged Meredith off towards an on-call room and locked the door behind them.

"That was fucking pathetic!" He screamed.

Meredith flinched and sat down on the lower bunk of a bed. "I don't…"

"Are you trying to embarrass me?!" he yelled. "Are you? I mean you weren't even trying! You make it so painfully obvious!"

"I don't mean to be!" she yelled. "I can't help it! I can't…"

Her words were cut short when Finn pulled her up off the bed and gripped her arms tightly. "This has to end." He said, shaking her. "We're meant to be together and you're throwing that away for him! He's a married man! He doesn't want you! You were just a little tramp he picked up at a bar to get over his wife! You really think he loves you like I do?"

"He's never hurt me like you do," Meredith said, tears pooling in her eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you. I just need you to see how much I love you and how scared I am of losing you!"

"No," Meredith said, shaking her head. "That's not how it works. I'm not the girl that sits back and lets her boyfriend beat her up because…"

"Beat her up!?" Finn yelled. "I don't beat you up! How dare you say that!" He gripped her arms tighter, his head shaking back and forth. Tears were starting to form in his large eyes. He looked pained. "Don't ever say that again!"

Meredith nodded with her eyes wide. "We should just talk about this later," she said. She sounded weak. She hated herself in that moment.

"Yeah, yeah, of course." Finn said. "I should go back to the office anyway. I have a Dalmatian coming in at three. I'll pick you up after your shift and we'll go back to my place."

Meredith nodded again. Unsure of what to say or do.

"I love you," he said as he wiped the tears that escaped his eyes off his face. He didn't wait for her answer before he kissed her roughly. His lips felt like sand paper. His hands felt like claws. He left the moment his lips detached from hers, the door slamming behind him. Meredith stared at the space where he had just been standing. Slowly, she sat on the bottom bunk and lowered her head in her hands.

Never in her life had Meredith felt this way and she definitely didn't like it.

* * *

A/N: **If you haven't read the long ass note at the top of the story, PLEASE DO.**

If you have, thank you so much.

As I was editing this chapter, I realized that I do love this story and it's my story and I shouldn't have people scare me away from publishing something that means a lot to me and something that is personal to me SO, I will be continuing to update this story.

Expect chapter 3 sometime next week. Please read and review!


	3. Cry Baby Cry

_A/N: You guys are all so amazing! Thank you so much for your positive and understand reviews! You have no idea how much that means to me! _

* * *

Chapter 3: Cry Baby Cry

Meredith slipped out of the on-call room and slowly started for her patient, Mrs. DiMarco's bedroom. Mrs. DiMarco was having her gallbladder removed that afternoon and Meredith was supposed to assist on the surgery with Bailey, but now, after what had just happened with Finn, she wasn't sure she was mentally up for it.

"There you are," said Cristina, running towards her. "What happened with Finn?"

Meredith looked at her friend and shook her head. "Nothing happened,"

"Really? He seemed pissed when he caught you staring at McAssFace. Smooth, by the way. You looked like a puppy staring at a bowl of kibble."

"He just…he," Meredith paused. "He was upset but nothing happened. We're going to talk about it more tonight. And it wasn't _that_ bad."

"No, it was."

"I have to get back to my patient," Meredith said, not wanting to talk about this anymore. She knew that's all she would be talking about when she got home with Finn later that night.

"Joes after work?"

"I can't. Finn…"

Cristina nodded slowly. "Right..."

Meredith retreated back down the hallway but before turning into Mrs. DiMarco's room, she rested up against the wall and placed a hand on her rapidly beating heart.

"Grey!" yelled Bailey, walking up towards her, an angry, disgruntled look on her face. "I know you did not show up from your lunch break nearly twenty minutes late and I know I did not just catch you slacking in the hallway!"

"Sorry," Meredith said weakly. "I didn't have the best night last night."

"Do I look like I care?" Bailey asked, although her eyes showed more concern in them than Meredith had seen all day. She let out a sigh and shook her head. "This is a simple gallbladder removal. Any intern can scrub in on this. Do you need to rest in an on-call room for an hour? I can page Yang or Karev." Meredith nodded. "Grey, this will be the one and only time I will allow this to happen. I just don't need you falling asleep in the operating room. You need to organize your sleep schedule a bit better if you want to be a surgeon, you understand?" Meredith nodded again. "Good. Go, sleep. I expect you to be awake for post op checkups later."

Meredith felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. She needed to sleep and clear her head. Maybe when she woke up she would have an answer to this whole Finn situation. Right now her brain was a tornado of exhaustion, depression and confusion. The on-call room was a welcoming paradise however the moment she turned the knob and pushed the door open, her paradise became hell.

Getting ready to lay down on the bottom bunk was Derek, his eyes tired and his face long. Maybe he didn't get a great night sleep in the arms of Addison after all, Meredith thought fleetingly.

"Oh," he said, once he saw her standing in the doorway.

"I was just...I'll find another room." Meredith said lamely, turning on her heel.

"Is everything alright with you and Finn?" Derek asked, standing up from the bed.

"Of course," she said quickly. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I didn't like the way he was dragging you out of the cafeteria before."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "This doesn't concern you Derek."

"If does concern me. You concern me."

Oh no, Meredith thought. She definitely couldn't handle concerned, loving Derek right now. She might explode from feelings.

"Nothing happened between Finn and I. Everything is perfect."

Derek's mouth twisted into a frown and he nodded. "Well, that's great." He said, although his voice was dripping with bitterness.

"Yeah, it is." Meredith said. "He has plans for us."

"Plans," Derek said the word as though it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "What plans?"

"I don't know, but obviously he cares about me enough to think of the future with me. He factors me into equations and doesn't hide things from me."

Derek shook his head. "Right, it always comes back to that, doesn't it?"

"Of course it does, Derek." Meredith said. "Why wouldn't it? You're married. You chose Addison over me. I begged you Derek, something I'm not proud of and something I've never done before. I asked you to love me and you didn't. You chose to love Addison. The moment you chose her over me you lost all your rights to be concerned about me and you definitely lost all your rights to even spend a fraction of your time thinking about Finn and I. I can't keep doing this, Derek. I really can't."

She closed the door behind her before Derek could utter a word. She walked towards another on-call room that rested down the hall, begging her tears to stay at bay until she was safely in bed and away from the prying eyes of the nurses. The moment the door was locked behind her, Meredith broke down. She crawled into the uncomfortable, springy bed and wrapped herself in the itchy blankets. After a few minutes of weeping into her pillow, Meredith finally fell asleep.

* * *

"How was work?" asked Finn, flipping on his blinker to turn onto his street. Rain was lightly beating down onto the windshield and Meredith found herself hypnotized watching the tiny patterns the raindrops made as they slide down the glass.

"Fine," Meredith answered. "I had to take a break after lunch. I was exhausted."

"Aw, well you haven't been getting much sleep lately." Finn said, rubbing her thigh. He pulled into his driveway and turned off the car. He turned to face her and smiled. "We'll have to make sure you get to bed early tonight,"

Meredith hated how he was speaking to her, like she was a child and unable to care for herself but she found herself nodding. The couple walked towards Finn's house but before they got inside, Finn pushed her up against the door and began attacking her lips with his own.

"Finn," Meredith said, gently pushing him away. "I'm really too tired for this tonight." Her words seemed to reach deaf ears because Finn continued to kiss her, slipping his tongue deep into her mouth. "Finn," Meredith said, breaking apart from him. "I'm serious. Not tonight."

Finn looked at her and nodded slowly. "Oh. You're too tired to make out with your boyfriend? I get it."

Meredith sighed and followed him into the house. "I just know where it will end up if we continue. I really don't have enough energy."

"Sure, sure. Or maybe you just don't need to have sex with me because you've already had sex today."

Meredith leaned forward, her eyebrow raised. "Excuse me?"

Finn turned around and walked towards her. "Tell me, when you had a break today after we met, were you alone?"

"Of course I was alone, Finn!"

"Bullshit," he whispered. "Bullshit. You and Derek…you and him…I can smell him on you!"

Meredith backed away from him, not wanting to find out where his anger would take him. "I didn't sleep with Derek, Finn. I just took a nap in the on-call room for a few hours. That's all,"

Finn shook his head. His breathing was heavy, his nostrils flaring. Meredith was gripping her purse, wanting nothing more than to flee out the front door but for some reason her feet stayed rooted in place. Perhaps it was fear or just stupidity, but she didn't move when Finn grabbed her arms and flung her to the ground.

"I hate it when you lie to me," he said, his voice sad. Meredith looked up at him and frantically shook her head. "Oh no, I know you're lying baby. It's all you ever do. Lie," His foot kicked into her back. "Lie," Into her side. "Lie," Into her back again.

Meredith cried out and covered her face with her hands. "I didn't fucking lie!" she yelled.

Finn laughed. Meredith glanced up at him and saw that he was crying. Actually crying. Tears were spilling down his cheeks and he looked so pained. "I thought I told you I had plans for us," he said. He kicked her back again. "I thought I told you not to ruin our future! Do you want me to hurt you, Meredith? Do you?"

Meredith, tears blurring her vision, shook her head. "Finn, you _are_ hurting me."

Finn sucked in a deep breath. "No. No, I'm not." He reached down and pulled her up. She stood there, wobbling on her own legs. Her body was on fire. She needed to sit down but Finn was holding her in place. "Derek hurt you, Meredith. Your mother hurt you. Your father hurt you. They all treated you like crap because that's what they think you are. They never thought you deserved a happy life. I do," said Finn, a smile on his face. "We're going to get married and have babies. We're going to have an amazing life together because I know you deserve that. You deserve everything, baby."

"I don't deserve this," she managed to say, her voice shaking.

Finn nodded. "You do baby, you do. You deserve everything I have to give you. Everything," He kissed her. "Now, let's get you to bed."

Meredith allowed Finn to help her up the stairs. She side-eyed him as he watched her change into pajamas and cringed when he wrapped his arms around her in bed, his arms were crushing her, making it hard for her to breath. "I love you, Meredith." He whispered. Meredith quickly wiped the tears away from her eyes and nodded slowly.

"You too," she struggled to say. She was sure the bile that was resting in her throat would spill out any minute. How did she get into a mess like this?

* * *

_Thanks again for all your amazing, supportive reviews! You are all so amazing and I really, really appreciate it. _

_I will try and update this story again by the middle of the week! Perhaps Tuesday or Wednesday. _


	4. Act Naturally

Your reviews are so nice and amazing, everyone. I appreciate it so much! I cannot say thank you enough.

* * *

_Chapter 4 – Act Naturally_

It was another night of zero hours of sleep. Meredith managed to slide out of bed early that morning without waking Finn to take a long, hot shower. Her muscles were aching. Her back had splatters of blue, purple and yellow bruises spread across it, painting her skin like disgusting artwork.

The hot water was beating down on her, burning her flesh. The bathroom was engulfed in steam, so Meredith didn't see when a body entered the room. She jumped and yelped when she felt a pair of arms circle of waist.

"Morning, baby," Finn said, whispering in her ear. He kissed her neck from behind and Meredith shuttered.

"Not now," she said, her eyes glued to the blue tiled walls. "Please,"

"You said no last night, Mer. This is only fair. I want to you think about me all day."

He turned her around and kissed her hard, bruising her lips. Meredith found herself allowing Finn to touch her, squeeze her breasts and lick her neck. She didn't want to make him mad by refusing again. She hated his hands on her body, acting like he knew where and how to touch her, acting like he knew how to make her purr.

She gripped onto his shoulders as he thrust into her, closing her eyes, wishing she was anywhere else but right there in that shower with a man she was absolutely terrified of. She thought of Derek. What she wouldn't give to have him in that shower with her instead. They didn't have to be having sex. She just wanted to hold him and have him tell her that everything was going to be alright, that he would protect her. She wanted him to kiss her temple and cheeks and every bruise on her body.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" Finn chanted. The hot water felt like it was melting her skin and she prayed that it would. She didn't want to feel him inside her anymore. She didn't want his skin touching hers. She didn't even want to look at him. She felt him spill out inside of her. "Thanks," he said, pulling out. "Dry off, I'll take you to work."

Meredith watched as he left the shower and bathroom. He thanked her. Fucking thanked her for having sex with him. Even though she had just spent the last forty minutes in the shower, Meredith never felt dirtier.

* * *

"Hey," Cristina said, walking towards Meredith later that morning. Meredith noticed that her friend looked happy, there was a sparkle in her eye that she usually had after having a romantic romp in the on-call room with Burke.

"You look happy," said Meredith, a small smirk on her face. She briefly wondered if she would ever look that happy again.

"I am. You on the other hand…" Cristina trailed off. "You and McVet must be having some pretty mind-blowing sex because you still look exhausted."

Meredith's stomach twisted. "I'm not exhausted," she lied.

"Don't let Bailey catch you slacking again today. Actually, don't let _anyone_ catch you. You'll start to get a reputation around here as the lazy intern and that's worse than the slutty intern or the dirty mistress."

"Thanks, Cristina." Meredith said sarcastically.

"I'm serious, Mer."

Meredith stared at her friend and nodded slowly. "I know. I know, I'm just…I'm not having the best week."

Cristina sighed. "This better not be about McVet versus McDreamy."

"It's not!" Meredith snapped, her eyebrows knitting together. "It has nothing to do with them."

"Okay, okay," Cristina said, raising her hands in mock surrender. "Sorry, I just thought…"

"Well you obviously thought wrong." Meredith said, shaking her head. "It's just...my mom, you know? A lot of mom stuff."

Cristina nodded. "Right, mom stuff."

"Mom stuff," Meredith repeated again. Her mother would probably laugh in her face and call her weak if she knew what was going on in her daughter's life right now. Her mother's voice, calling her a stupid little girl echoed in her head all morning. By the time lunch came, Meredith wanted to flee from Seattle Grace and go to her home. She hadn't been in her own bed since this whole ordeal with Finn began and what she really needed right now was a bottle of tequila and her fluffy duvet.

* * *

Today's lunch was hamburgers. Meredith watched in amusement as her friends raced towards the line to load up on food. Usually by lunch time, everyone was famished. Meredith found it hard to keep anything down these days, so she just picked up an apple and a cup of coffee. On her way back towards her table, she felt a hand on her arm, causing her to yelp and drop her coffee, the brown liquid spilling all over her scrubs and sneakers.

"Jesus, Meredith," Derek said, taking his hand off her arm. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Meredith shook her head, trying to calm down her heart that was currently beating so wildly in her chest she thought she was going to go into cardiac arrest any moment. "No, sorry, I was just…I thought you were…" she paused and shook her head. "Sorry,"

Derek looked slightly amused but his eyes showed concern, something that Meredith wanted to ignore. "Can we talk?" he asked.

Meredith nodded and followed him towards the back of the cafeteria, even though her brain was screaming at her not to. "Well?" Meredith asked. "Talk,"

Derek sighed. "I was thinking about what you said yesterday, in the on-call room. You were right. I really shouldn't be giving you a hard time because you're dating Finn. It's just hard for me to see you with another man."

"Derek, I have to watch you with Addison every day. You think that's easy for me?"

"No," he said. "I'm sorry. I wish things could be different."

"It could have been different, Derek."

He nodded. "I know. You know, I haven't been getting much sleep either. Every night when I close my eyes, I see you. I see you in the scrub room telling me that you love me and that I should choose you. You're all I think about Meredith and I know that's wrong. I know I should be thinking about my wife because I chose my wife but…for some reason, all I see when I close my eyes is you."

Meredith stared at Derek, her eyes wide. "Derek,"

"I know, I know…you're happy with Finn. I'm happy you're happy. You deserve to be happy. I just want you to know that no matter what, I will always care about you. You may think that you're not my concern anymore but…I can't help it. I will always care."

Meredith sighed. "I'll always care for you too, Derek,"

Derek let out a breath and slowly wrapped her in his arms. Meredith gripped him back, tears springing into her eyes. She wanted to tell him everything. His hands were rubbing at the bruises on her back and she winced, but didn't say a word. She didn't want to ruin this moment.

They pulled apart and Meredith looked into Derek's eyes. His sad eyes. She saw his desire in them. She saw the unsaid feelings. She saw that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him. Yet, he just smiled and turned around, walking back towards a table where Burke was sitting.

Meredith watched him for a few more moments and then turned back towards her own table where Cristina, Izzie and George were waiting for her but the sight of a very angry Finn standing by the lunch line caught her eye.

"Finn," she said, walking towards him. "How long have you been here? I didn't know we had lunch plans for today."

"I thought I'd surprise you," he said.

Meredith saw his anger growing by the second. "Come on," she said, pulling him out of the cafeteria and to an empty hallway.

"What the hell were you just doing?" Finn asked once they were alone.

"We were just talking." Meredith answered patiently.

"Oh really, looked like you two were getting pretty close for _just talking_."

"I told Derek about how you have plans for us," Meredith lied, not wanting to get into an argument with him here, where people could see how weak she actually was in this relationship. "That's all. He said he was happy for us."

"I don't believe you," Finn said. "I knew you were cheating on me. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "I knew you were lying to me!"

"Finn please, not here," Meredith said, her eyes darting around the still empty hallway. "Nothing is going on between Derek and me. I swear."

"I can't have you around him anymore, Meredith. I don't trust either of you. I know you're still lying to me. I know it. You can't work with him anymore. I think you should transfer to another hospital."

"What?" Meredith asked, backing away from him.

"Transfer to Mercy West."

"Finn, I will not transfer to Mercy West. Seattle Grace is my home. My mother worked here, I grew up here. I'm not leaving because you refuse to believe me." Finn didn't say anything and Meredith took a step closer towards him. "I can't stop working with him, Finn. I need to clock in some neuro-time and he's the head of the department. I swear to you, nothing is going on between us."

Finn shook his head. "Fine," he said. "I love you."

Meredith nodded and began backing away from him but Finn reached out and grabbed her wrists, pulling her closer towards him. "Don't back away from me,"

"You're hurting me," Meredith whispered.

Finn looked disgusted and let go of her wrists. He leaned in closer and whispered: "Make sure your hunky neurosurgeon boss knows that I'll kill him if he ever tries something with you."

Meredith watched, horrified, as he walked down the hallway towards the exit of the hospital. No, Meredith thought, this was going way too far. She had to get out of this. But she knew that if she told anyone or if she left Finn, he wouldn't let it be so easy.

Suddenly, Meredith heard a cough to her left. She turned quickly and saw a timid nurse staring at her with wide eyes. Olivia.

"Crap," Meredith muttered before rushing towards her. "What are you doing? Eavesdropping on my conversation?"

Olivia stared at her and shook her head. "I was just dropping off some blood work…" she paused. "You really should tell someone, Dr. Grey."

Meredith shook her head. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You don't know me and you don't know Finn. You know nothing about this situation so I would appreciate if you kept your gossiping mouth shut, understand?"

Olivia nodded. "If that's what you want,"

"It is." said Meredith, her eyebrows knitted together. "So help me Olivia if I find out that you…"

"I won't, god." said Olivia, now looking annoyed. "Can I drop off this blood now?"

Meredith nodded and watched Olivia scamper away. She let out a breath and walked back towards the cafeteria where her friends were waiting.

* * *

The next chapter will be up next week and it's a big one.

Thanks again for your amazing reviews!


	5. I Want To Tell You

A/N: Thanks again for your really amazing reviews. This chapter is a long one. And a lot happens in it. Get comfortable!

* * *

_Chapter 5 : I Want To Tell You_

"Where were you?" asked Izzie, biting into a large red apple. "We saw you go off with McDreamy but then you never came back."

"Maybe we don't want to know where she was," George said, sticking a fork into his half-eaten salad.

"I spoke with Derek," Meredith said. "We cleared the air on some things and then I spoke with Finn."

"Finn's here? Oh, yay! He should sit with us!" Izzie said, looking around.

Meredith shook her head. "He couldn't stay."

Izzie looked at her friend and smirked. "Aw, look how sad you look, Mer. You must really love spending time with him."

"Please, don't make me gag." Cristina said.

Meredith glanced at Derek who was now chatting away with Addison, his arm on the back of her chair. Burke was laughing across from them with Callie Torres to his right. They looked like a poster for residency. Perfect, happy, clean…Meredith felt miserable and dirty. Her insides were crawling. She thought of Olivia and the shocked look on her face.

Olivia was right. She should tell someone.

She glanced at Cristina and saw that she was laughing at something, her eyes crinkling in delight. Izzie and George were shaking their heads, smirks on both their faces. She would tell them soon, but first she had to end it with Finn. She knew it would be risky and that she could get hurt in the process but she had to do it. She couldn't let her mother be right. She couldn't be weak anymore. She didn't want to be that girl. She had to protect herself.

* * *

As soon as her shift ended, Meredith met Finn in the lobby of the hospital. He kissed her and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her to his body. She grinned at him and followed him to his car.

"Hey Finn, do you think you could drop me off at my place tonight? I haven't been home in a few days now."

Finn looked at her. "We can spend the night there, I guess."

"I was actually thinking we can spend tonight apart. I really could use…the space."

Finn looked at her. He was silent for a few moments before opened the passenger side door and pointed inside the car. "Get in, Meredith."

Without protest, Meredith stepped into Finn's car and watched him carefully as he walked towards the driver's side. They drove in silence.

Finn didn't drive Meredith to her house, but to his.

"I thought…"

"Quiet," he said, holding up a hand to silence her. Meredith sighed and sunk lower into her seat. He pulled into his driveway and hastily got out of the car. "Let's go," he said, noticing that she was still sitting still in the passenger seat. Meredith slowly unbuckled and exited the vehicle. Finn stepped towards her and pushed her up against her door, kissing her lightly. "What's this about space now?" he asked.

"You threatened the life of Derek today," Meredith said. "You said you would kill him."

Finn stepped away from her a bit. "That's right."

Meredith shook her head. "I can't…Finn, what's going on between us? I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be a part of this anymore."

"What are you saying?" Finn asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm saying that I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. I don't want to be a part of your plans. I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed and not be scared of my boyfriend anymore."

Finn grabbed her shoulders. "What?"

"You h-heard me," Meredith said, trying to remain composed. Her bravery was starting to shrink away but she remained standing tall.

"We're not breaking up," Finn said, shaking his head. "We're going to be together forever, Meredith."

"Finn," Meredith tried to protest but Finn cut her off by slapping her across the face. Her head ricocheted back, hitting the car door behind her.

"We're going to stay together," Finn said. "You're my girlfriend and it's going to stay that way."

Meredith's cheek burned and her stomach hurt. "Please, Finn..."

"Please what?" Finn asked. Meredith didn't respond, causing her to get another slap to the face. She gasped and turned away from him, her hand moving to her face to feel her tingling cheek. Finn looked at her and shook his head. "Let's go." He said with a sigh. He scooped her up bridal style and carried her into his house. He dropped her onto the couch and stood above her, shaking his head. "Pathetic." He muttered.

Meredith watched him leave his living room and go towards the kitchen. She heard him making himself a drink. She needed to get out of here but her vision was blurry from her unshed tears.

Finn walked back into the living room and looked at her. "Look at you," he said. "Like Shepherd would even look at you when you look like this." He sighed. "You should clean up."

Meredith didn't say anything. She forced her body to stand and walk towards the small bathroom on Finn's first floor. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and saw that her face was starting to bruise and her lip was bleeding. She didn't remember biting it but she must have. Tears finally started escaping her eyes, staining her face. Her hands were shaking as she rolled up a toilet paper square and pressed it to her bleeding lip.

"Fuck," she whispered. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Hurry up, baby." Finn called.

Meredith glanced at the door and shook her head. "No," she whispered. "No, no, no," She began hyperventilating, her breaths coming out in quick gasps, hurting her chest and lungs. Suddenly, her phone buzzed in her pocket. Meredith jumped and quickly pulled it out, glancing at the number. Her heart skipped a beat. Derek. It continued to vibrate in her hands as she debated answering or not.

After a few seconds, it went to voicemail. She let out a breath as tears continued to slip down her face.

_Hey, Meredith. It's Derek. I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to walk Doc together tomorrow. He misses you a lot, I can tell. Besides I haven't been able to walk him that much lately. It will be nice to get him out of the trailer." _He laughed a bit. _"I'll just see you tomorrow at the hospital. We'll discuss it more than." _The phone clicked and Meredith leaned over the sink and emptied her stomach. She needed him. She couldn't go on like this.

The bathroom door opened. Finn walked inside. "I thought I heard voices," he said, looking around. Meredith quickly pocketed her cell and turned back around.

"Just me," she said softly. "I'm really tired."

"Hey, you got your lip to stop bleeding, good job." He said. "I knew it was nothing."

Meredith nodded. "You were right."

Finn smiled and walked closer towards her but the moment he got close enough Meredith punched him right in the nose. He screamed, his eyes watering. Meredith kicked him in the groin, causing him to fall to the ground. She quickly stepped over his body and ran for her purse and coat that rested on the sofa. She looked around quickly for Finn's car keys but couldn't find them anywhere.

"Shit," she said, panicking. Her eyes scanned the room frantically until she saw them hanging on a hook by the front door. She started for them but felt something grab onto her ankle, bringing her slamming down to the ground.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Finn asked, crawling on top of her, pinning her to the ground.

She cried out as she desperately tried to wiggle out from under him but he was too heavy. "Get the fuck off me!" she barked.

Finn laughed. "So you can go back to him?!"

"I just want you to stop! Please!"

His hands found their way around her neck, causing Meredith's eyes to widen. He tightened his grip, his mouth stretching into a grin. "We can't keep doing this, Meredith. This has to end now,"

Meredith struggled, gasping for air as her hands tried to pry his off her neck.

"I don't want to do this but you make me, don't you see that?" He sighed and held her neck tighter. "You're never going to tell me that we're breaking up. You're never going to punch me or kick me again, do you understand?"

Meredith closed her eyes, her vision getting fuzzy. "Y-Yes," she squeaked.

Finn nodded and let go, causing Meredith to cough maddeningly as air entered her lungs. He remained on top of her and touched her face, his fingers felt like acid on her skin. He started to kiss her, his hands leaving her face and moving under her shirt.

His hands started assaulting her breasts as his lips continued to suck on hers. Meredith opened her eyes and reached out around her for anything.

She slowly felt her hand come in contact with something hard and heavy on the floor next to her. She turned her head, causing Finn's lips to kiss her neck. She cried out before picking up the heavy object, that she quickly found out was a metal doorstop, and smacked him in the head with it. He collapsed onto her body, crushing her into the floor.

She quickly pushed him off her. Her head was pounding, her body aching. She looked down at Finn's unconscious form. There was a little bit of blood tricking out of a wound on his head. Meredith knew he would wake up soon; she hadn't hit him that hard. Promptly, Meredith grabbed her purse and coat off the floor. She grabbed Finn's car keys and left his house, trying desperately to compose herself before she got home.

* * *

Much to her relief, Izzie and Alex were no longer awake when she arrived at her house. All the windows were dark and the house was silent. Meredith sighed as she walked up the long staircase towards her bedroom. The moment her head hit her pillow, she let out a loud sob. She buried her face, not wanting to wake her roommates, but she couldn't help it.

She needed to escape this nightmare but she didn't know how to do that without getting herself or Derek killed in the process.

It was five that morning when Meredith woke up. She heard someone banging on the front door.

"Jesus who the fuck is that?" yelled Alex from his bedroom.

"How should I know?" asked Izzie's voice walking past her bedroom. Meredith heard Izzie walking down the stairs, her light footfalls barely making any noise. She heard the door open and Finn's voice enter the once silent, peaceful house.

"Finn?" Izzie asked.

"Where's Meredith?" he asked. Meredith remained in bed, blankly staring at her ceiling. Maybe Izzie would say she wasn't home. Maybe Izzie would get a hint and realize Meredith didn't want to see him.

"I guess she's in her bedroom. I didn't even know she came home last night, she's been spending all her nights at your place."

Finn chuckled. "Yeah, we got into a bit of a fight last night. Nothing serious, but I guess she was angry and she took my car and drove home."

"She took your car?" Izzie asked before laughing. "I guess that's one way of saying she wants you to follow her,"

Meredith groaned. _Or it was my only way out._

"Oh my god, what happened to your head? You know you're bleeding right?"

Finn laughed. "I fell leaving the house this morning. I was returning a dog to a patient and the leash got tangled under my feet. I hit my head on the pavement. Is it that bad?"

There was silence, Meredith assumed Izzie was examining Finn's wound.

"You might need a staple or two. Just ride with us to the hospital and Mer will do it."

"Do you mind if I go up and see her? I want to apologize."

Izzie laughed. "Smart man," she said. "Go right ahead. I'm gonna make some coffee, you want any?"

"No thanks," Finn said. Meredith heard him walking up the stairs and she sighed. Her door opened and Finn walked in, closing it firmly behind him. "Hey baby," he said.

Meredith looked at him and shook her head. "You shouldn't be here."

Finn sighed. "I'm here to get my car, I kind of need it."

Meredith sat up and placed a hand to her still pounding head. "The keys are on my dresser."

Finn didn't go for his keys though; he just walked closer to her. He sat down on the bed and sighed.

"Last night shouldn't have happened."

"I don't want to hear it, Finn." Meredith said lowly. "None of this should be happening. I should be reporting you to the police; god only knows why I'm not."

"It's because deep down you know where I'm coming from." He reached out and touched her arm. "Let's get some makeup on your face so we can get to Seattle Grace. I need some staples in my head. You should be in a lot more trouble for that, by the way."

Meredith shook her head. "I'm not going to work today."

"You have to. I told Izzie we just got into a tiny argument. How will it look if you don't show up at work? People will get suspicious."

"Let them," Meredith said, swinging her legs over the side of her bed. She walked towards her dresser and rifled through some of her makeup, ignoring the pain in her back and ribs. "I'm done pretending this is right, Finn. I'm tired of defending you and playing make believe."

"I'm tired too," Finn said, standing behind her. "This is why I think we should get married,"

Meredith turned around swiftly. "Married? Are you insane?"

Finn took her hand in his. "We're meant to be together, Meredith."

Snatching her hand back, Meredith shook her head. "I'm not going to marry you."

Finn knitted his eyebrows together and was about to say something when Izzie knocked on the door. "Come on you guys, enough fooling around. We're gonna be late."

Meredith looked at Finn and shook her head. "I'm done Finn. We're done." She turned back around and continued covering up her bruises with makeup while Finn exited her bedroom, his shoulders slumped.

* * *

The ride to the hospital was filled with silence. Izzie tried making light conversation but Meredith couldn't bring herself to speak. For the first time in days she felt relief. Finn was having Alex drive him to the hospital in his truck while Meredith was driving Izzie and herself. Once they reached the hospital, Meredith saw that Alex was already walking into the entrance with Finn in tow.

"You didn't ride with McVet this morning?" asked Cristina walking towards them with Burke.

Meredith shook her head. "No,"

"They had a fight," Izzie said.

"Let me guess: it was about McAssFace."

"It was about nothing that concerns the two of you," Meredith snapped, looking at her friends.

Cristina grabbed Meredith's shoulder and spun her around. "What's gotten into you lately? You've been snapping at everyone! If your relationship with Finn so terrible? Are you that miserable?"

Meredith shook her head. "Cristina, you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Neither of you do,"

Cristina looked annoyed and Izzie looked shocked at Meredith's outburst.

"I'm going inside," Meredith said after a few seconds. She walked into the hospital but instead of walking into the locker room, Meredith walked into an on-call room. She leaned against the door and let out a few deep breaths. Shaking her head, Meredith walked towards the mirror that hung on the wall and stared at her face. The makeup was covering up her bruises nicely. She was impressed with her blending techniques. Turning around, Meredith lifted up her shirt and examined the bruises that covered her back. She winced as she remembered Finn's boots kicking into her.

Suddenly, the on-call door flung open and Mark walked in. He was in the middle of a large yawn but his mouth closed quickly when he saw Meredith standing there.

"Oh sorry…" he stopped short when he saw her back. Meredith quickly lowered her shirt and turned around.

"Get out!" she yelled. "Shut the door!"

Mark, his eyes wide, retreated from the on-call room and closed the door behind him.

"Is Meredith in there?" Cristina asked, storming up the hallway.

Mark nodded. "Yeah, hey, was she in an accident or something?"

Cristina lifted her hand off the doorknob and arched an eyebrow. "No, of course she wasn't. Why do you say that?"

Mark shrugged. "Her back…it's covered in bruises."

Cristina stared at Mark, her eyes widening slightly with each passing moment. In a flash, she flung open the door and slammed it behind her. Meredith was still standing in the middle of the room, her face pale.

"Lift up your shirt." Cristina ordered.

Meredith shook her head. "No,"

"What the fuck did Mark see?"

"He saw nothing,"

Cristina stepped forward and reached for her shirt but Meredith stepped away and shoved her friend back. "Stop! Just stop! I don't know what you're talking about!"

"That's bullshit, Mer! What's going on with you? Is…Is Finn…"

Meredith shook her head. Inside she was screaming, begging Cristina to understand that she couldn't say the words out loud. "Of course not, Cristina,"

"Then lift. Up. Your. Shirt."

She started running. She ran past Cristina in the on-call room, ran down the hallway, past Derek and past Finn, ran out of the hospital and towards the parking lot.

"You!" Cristina yelled, pointing at Finn. "If you…I swear to god…"

Derek walked towards Cristina and stepped in front of her. "Dr. Yang, there is no yelling in the hospital hallways!"

Cristina continued to try and fight her way past Derek but he held her back, pushing her into the on-call room she and Meredith had just been in. He closed the door behind them and shook his head.

"What was that all about?"

Cristina shook her head, tears in her eyes. She looked at Derek and placed a hand to her chest. "It's Meredith…she…she's been acting strange all week and I should have known. I should have seen the signs."

Derek stepped closer towards Cristina. "What are you talking about?" he asked. "What's wrong with Meredith?"

Cristina sat down on the bed and put her head in her hands. She let out a soft sob before looking back up at Derek. "Finn…I think he's…"

Derek shook his head. "He's what? Tell me,"

Cristina looked like she was just set on fire; she was struggling to get words out. "It's bad," she said. "I should have seen the signs. She wouldn't show me her back."

"Her back?" Derek asked, but suddenly it dawned on him. Hot, white, anger flashed inside him. His hands clutched into fists at his side. He would murder him. Murder him in cold blood. He stormed out of the on-call room and towards Alex who was staring at him with a confused look on his face.

"Where is Finn?" asked Derek, his voice seething.

"He just left. Right after Mer…"

Derek darted towards the door and ran towards the parking lot. Both Finn's and Meredith's car were gone. Quickly, he got into his pickup, Cristina hot on his heels.

"I'm coming with you," she said, swinging open the passenger side door. Derek didn't even slow down as she jumped inside. Like lightening, they drove down the crowded streets of Seattle towards Meredith's house.

* * *

Sorry I took so long to update! The next chapter will be up much sooner. Tell me what you think!


	6. Keep Your Hands Off My Baby

A/N: I adore you guys so much. Your reviews are amazing, you have no idea how much they are appreciated.

Well, I'm graduating college a week from Saturday which means now is finals time and paper time and that's why my updates have been less than timely. I want to apologize and thank you all for your patience and sticking with me!

* * *

_Chapter 6 – Keep Your Hands Off My Baby_

Meredith parked her car in her driveway and rested her head on the steering wheel. A part of her was so relieved that her best friend, her person, knew what was going on. Another part of her was ashamed, ashamed that she had not gone for help in the first place. With a sigh, Meredith took her keys out of the ignition and exited her vehicle. Slowly, she walked towards her house, breathing in deep. The cold air burned her lungs and caused her to shiver.

A car pulled up behind her and Meredith turned around. Finn was staring at her from the driver's seat and Meredith could see the rage on his face from her porch. Quickly, she reached into her purse for her house keys. She heard Finn exit his car and start towards her.

"No, no, no," she begged, finally finding her key at the bottom of her bag. It was covered in crumbs and gum wrappers. She twisted it in the lock and ran into her house, slamming the door behind her. She ran up the stairs and let out a cry when she heard Finn enter the house after her. He was chasing her up the stairs; his legs were longer and therefore caught up with her quickly. He grabbed her hair and pulled her down.

"Stop!" she yelled, wishing someone else was in the house. Anyone. "Please!"

Finn just shook his head. "You shouldn't have run," he said before punching her in the face.

* * *

Derek and Cristina sped up towards Meredith's house. He barely stopped the car before jumping out of it and racing towards the front door.

"That's his car!" Cristina said, running up behind him. They saw the front door was open and the minute they stepped inside they heard cries coming from upstairs.

Derek thought his heart was going to explode in his chest. He took the steps two at a time and burst through Meredith's bedroom door. The scene he saw took his breath away.

Meredith was bloody and bruised on the bed with Finn straddling her, ripping at her jeans and shirt. Meredith was trying desperately to get out from under him but it was no use.

Rage, unlike any that Derek had ever experienced in his entire life entered him like a storm. He grabbed Finn and pulled him off of Meredith before punching him over and over again. Cristina entered the bedroom and gasped.

"Oh my god," she said, rushing towards her friend who was sobbing on the bed. "Meredith…"

"You're gonna be sorry, Meredith," Finn said before Derek punched him again right in the jaw.

"How dare you touch her!" Derek roared, slamming his head into the floor. "How dare you even fucking look at her!"

Cristina jumped off the bed and pulled Derek off of the now unconscious man. "Derek stop, you'll kill him."

"Good!" Derek yelled, tears in his eyes. He punched Finn one last time and then turned towards Meredith who was still sobbing on the bed. "Meredith," he said, stepping towards her. "Oh Meredith," his voice broke.

Cristina shook her head. "I swear to god…" She trailed off and pulled out her cell phone. She dialed three digits and waited for someone to pick up. "I need an ambulance," she said, stepping out of the room.

Meredith looked at Derek, tears still streaming down her face. "He-He…"

"Shhh," Derek said, wiping away her tears, trying not to touch her too hard. "It's over now; he's not going to hurt you anymore."

"I can't…" Meredith shook her head. "I don't…" She couldn't formulate words. She didn't believe that Derek was sitting in front of her, holding her hand in his. This had to be a dream. Maybe she was dying. They do say you see your life flash before your eyes before you die. Derek and Cristina...they were her life.

"The ambulance is going to be here any minute." Cristina said, stepping back inside the bedroom. Her stomach twisted at the sight of the blood on Meredith's pillow and blankets, not to mention Meredith herself. "I'm so sorry Mer,"

Meredith stared at Derek and Cristina, both of whom were staring at her. Everything was in pain. Every strand of hair on her head down to her toenails. She had never felt this much pain before.

"Derek," she said, although she didn't recognize her own voice. Her vision was growing blurry and she closed her eyes. She vaguely heard Derek and Cristina yelling at her to stay awake but they sounded so far away. Then suddenly, nothing.

* * *

When her eyes opened she was no longer in her bedroom, but at Seattle Grace. She blinked a few times trying to focus her vision.

"Meredith?"

She turned her head and saw Derek sitting by her, his eyes red and swollen. His face was pale and he looked exhausted.

"Derek?"

He let out a breath and moved closer, gripping her hand tighter. "How are you?"

"My head…and my body," she said. "It hurts,"

He sighed. "I'll order more pain medication for you," He looked into her eyes and shook his head. "I can't believe…" he trailed off, more tears entering his eyes.

"I should have told you." Meredith said. "I was just scared,"

"I could kill that bastard, I swear…" He tried to calm himself but the anger in him had yet to simmer down. After they had gotten to Seattle Grace, he had to be psychically restrained as Finn regained consciousness and was asking for Meredith and if he could see her.

"He…" Meredith paused and tears entered her eyes again as she thought about Finn. He had chased her up the stairs and pulled her into the bedroom, beating her every step of the way. She was positive he was going to kill her this time. The look in his eyes was murderous, evil. She will never forget that look.

"Don't think about him," Derek said. "Not now. Try and get some sleep."

"Stay here," Meredith said. "If you can…"

Derek smiled at her, a smile that was full of so much pain but was meant to be comforting, assuring. "I wouldn't be anywhere else," he said and Meredith knew, in that moment, that he loved her. She tried to smile but found it too painful. "Sleep," he said again, rubbing her hand gently with his callused thumb.

Meredith closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. It was over. Finn would finally be arrested and she was finally free of him. Despite the pain that invaded her body, Meredith drifted off into a peaceful sleep for the first time in days.

* * *

A/N: I'm going to update this story a lot sooner, hopefully. Possibly by Saturday or Sunday. Thanks again for all your supporting words for this story. They mean the world.


	7. Lonesome Tears In My Eyes

_Chapter 7 – Lonesome Tears In My Eyes_

Hot breath breathing in her face, sharp nails digging into her thighs, forcing her legs apart, a wet tongue gagging her and pain-so much pain that Meredith couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't speak.

She screamed. The pain wouldn't stop. He kept hitting her, over and over and over. She felt her face denting under his pointy knuckles. She felt her brain breaking apart. She felt her organs shutting down. She screamed.

"Meredith," she heard her name being called somewhere from outside. Someone was coming to save her but she feared it would be too late. The voice sounded so far away. "Meredith," it said again.

"Help," she managed to cry out. "Please,"

"Meredith!" she heard someone yell, loud and forceful. It was a female voice this time, a voice that she knew belonged to Cristina. Her eyes fluttered open and sure enough, Cristina was staring at her, her eyes wide and full of concern. Meredith turned her head and saw Derek sitting in a seat by her bed, a pained expression on his face. "You were having a nightmare," Cristina said. "It wasn't real."

Meredith nodded slowly and reached up to wipe the stray tears off her face. She was surprised she had any moisture left in her body at this point. "Finn," she said. His name tasted bitter in her mouth.

Derek shifted in his seat. The name stung even him, Meredith thought, looking back towards him.

"Where is he?" she asked.

"They transferred him to Mercy West. Actually, he requested it. He didn't think he'd get the best care here." Cristina said. "Good riddance."

"He's not here?" Meredith asked, unable to comprehend the words. He had been around her constantly, hovering and buzzing like an annoying bee just waiting to sting her for days now.

"No, sweetie." Derek said, leaning forward. "He's not,"

Meredith saw that Cristina was glaring at Derek and shaking her head. "Um, Dr. Sheppard, may I speak with you out in the hall?"

Derek looked at Cristina and then back at Meredith. "You can go," Meredith said. "I'll be fine,"

He looked unsure. Like the last thing he wanted to do right now was leave her side, but he followed Cristina out into the hallway anyway. Once the door to Meredith's room was closed, Cristina spun around and let out a deep breath.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Derek looked taken aback. "What do you mean?"

"Calling her sweetie, acting like you love her, like you give two fucks about her? What Finn did to her…" Cristina paused and shook her head. "She can't have you messing around with her emotions now, not after everything that's happened. I won't stand back and watch you damage her more."

Derek sighed and nodded. "I know you don't think I care about her but I do. I care about her more than I care about anyone." Cristina opened her mouth to say something but Derek held up a hand to silence her. "You're going to ask about my wife? I know, it sounds horrible, but it's true. My marriage with Addison has been over for a long time. I thought I could salvage it, try and mend it back together, but…Meredith. I can't live without her. I can't." He shrugged and his lips formed into a straight line. "I don't intend on messing with her. I never have."

"Well, then, you have some things to fix before you have the right to call her sweetie or honey or anything else that makes me want to throw up in an on-call room, understand? I don't want you to sit there by her bedside all day until it's time to go home with your wife."

"I know," Derek said. "I know, that can't happen."

"As long as you know," Cristina said. "Because I swear to god, I've got more anger inside of me today than I have in my entire life. I didn't touch Finn but that doesn't mean I won't beat the shit out of you."

Derek watched Cristina go back into Meredith's room and let out a breath. He was about to follow her when a rush of footfalls down the hall caught his attention. He looked up to find Izzie, Alex and George all running towards him.

"Meredith?" George asked, the sweat on his brow dripping down his nose. "What-what happened?"

"Can we see her?" Izzie asked, practically pushing her way past Derek. He blocked the door and shook his head.

"Not now," he said. "She's tired. She needs her rest,"

"What happened?" asked George again.

Derek sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I really can't say," he said. "It's not my place."

"Bullshit," Izzie said, shaking her head. "We're her best friends, her roommates. We've been there for her through everything. We have more of a right to be in there with her than you do!"

"Izzie," Alex said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Calm down,"

"No, I want to know what happened to Meredith. You're going to tell me, right now."

Derek looked at Izzie and saw tears were in her eyes and her cheeks were flushed. She looked feverish.

"I think you already know," he said, gravely.

Izzie shook her head, biting her lower lip. "No," she whispered. "It's just…that can't be it, I mean…I saw them together, I saw them and they were happy…"

"Izzie, what are you talking about?" George asked, looking between her and Derek.

Izzie continued shaking her head. "I let him in our house this morning and sent him up to her room…I saw that he was bleeding and I didn't even think twice about it…"

"He was bleeding before he got to the house?" Derek asked.

"Meredith she must have escaped and I just sent him back up to her," Izzie was breathing heavy now, practically hyperventilating. "I did this, oh my god,"

"Stevens, look at me." Derek ordered. Izzie continued to star at the floor, her breathing becoming more frantic. "Stevens!" She looked up, her head still shaking back and forth. "You did not do this. You didn't know. Nobody did. This is not your fault. Understand?"

Izzie nodded and turned to look at Alex who was staring at the closed door of Meredith's room. "He beat her?" he asked slowly. "He…he fucking _beat_ her?"

Derek swallowed hard. He couldn't stand hearing the words. "Yes, Dr. Karev."

Alex licked his lips before turning around and punching the wall. The sound made them flince, but Alex didn't even cringe. He stared at his bloody knuckles and continued shaking his head.

"Dr. Karev, that's enough." Derek said, although he felt like doing the exact same thing. "You're a surgeon, you need your hands. Don't be stupid."

"That prick hurt her and I let him go this morning. I fucking let him go and I didn't even think twice about it! I had him…and I let him go after her."

"Do I have to repeat the same thing to you that I just told Dr. Stevens?" Derek asked. Alex shook his head. "Stevens, O'Malley," Derek said, looking at George, who refused to make eye contact with him. "Take care of Karev's hand. You can all come back later."

The three interns nodded slowly before turning around and retreating away back the way they came. Derek let out another breath and leaned his weight against Meredith's closed door. The image of Meredith on her bed, covered in bruises and bleeding with Finn on top of her, tearing at her clothes would not leave his mind's eye. Anger was boiling inside him again. He was thankful Finn was transferred over to Mercy West because if he was still here, Derek was sure he would go right into his room and murder the man without a second thought.

"Derek,"

He turned around and stared at Addison as she walked towards him. Her red hair was tied up in a messy pony tail and her eyes were tired.

"I heard what happened," she said, shaking her head. "I didn't know if it was true or not but Mark…he told me he saw the bruises on her back and I figured it must be true."

"Mark saw the bruises?" Derek asked, confused. "When? How?"

Addison shrugged. "This morning in the on-call room, he said. Is she alright?"

"Of course she's not alright, Addison. She was practically beaten to death. God knows what else he did to her." Tears were threatening to spill from his eyes. He sniffed and turned away from his wife who was staring at him, a sad expression on her face.

"I know you still love her, Derek. You don't have to hide your emotion from me."

He turned to face her and she smirked, sadly.

"You never stopped loving her. I thought…I thought if we tried to fix things you'd remember the nice times we had and you'd start to love me again but it's impossible. You can't love me anymore, not like you love Meredith."

Derek let out a breath. "I'm sorry, Addison."

"I know you are," she said, nodding. "So am I."

"We tried," he said. "At least we can say that."

Addison nodded again and smiled. "Go back to her. I'll move my things out of the trailer tonight."

"You don't…"

"Yes, I do." she said, placing a hand on Derek's shoulder. "I do and we'll make things official. I'll sign the papers."

Derek nodded and couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness hit him. "You'll be alright?"

Addison shrugged and smirked at him, removing her hand from his shoulder. "I think so. I think I've known this has been over for a long time now. It feels nice finally being able to admit it." She sighed and nodded her head towards Meredith's closed door. He nodded and watched her walk away before reentering Meredith's room.

* * *

A/N: As I was rereading and editing this chapter, a part of me was wondering if I made things too easy with the ending of Derek and Addison's relationship, but the more I think about it, I realize this isn't their story. And while this is a Mer/Der story, it's so much more than that. It's a Meredith/herself story, a Meredith/Cristina story...I didn't want to simply create a major problem just for the sake of Meredith and Derek getting back together, you know? I feel like this story is more a Meredith finding her self-worth and inner strength than anything else.

Also, as I mentioned in my previous chapter, I am graduating college. In less than a week actually. The reason I'm bringing this up is because the laptop I've been using to write and upload this story belongs to my school. Now that I'm graduating I have to return it to IT tomorrow. Which leaves me without a computer. I don't plan on being without one for too long because...hello...I value my sanity, but I just want to give you a heads up because I'm not sure when I will be able to update next. Hopefully it won't be too long. Thanks for having patience with me! and thanks again for all your amazing reviews. I adore you all!


	8. Misery

Hey guys, thanks for the congrats messages on me graduating, it meant a lot! As you can see, I got a new computer and a lot sooner than I planned! You guys are amazing and I appreciate all your awesome reviews!

* * *

_Chapter 8 - Misery_

Meredith stared at the two officers who stood in front of her bed. They were staring at her like she was a caged animal at the zoo. One was taking notes in a small notepad while the other was asking questions. Questions that made Meredith want to bury her head under the covers and pray for death. She would rather do anything than relive the hell Finn put her through but she knew this was what she had to do if she wanted Finn to get what he deserved.

"It's okay, Mer," Cristina said, sitting in a chair by her bed with Derek. At first the officers weren't going to allow them to stay but Meredith begged so much they finally relented. She knew she couldn't go through this alone. Not again.

"Can you repeat the question?" asked Meredith.

The two officers looked at each other and the female, Officer Hanson, nodded. "You said you were dating Mr. Dandrige for a little less than a month. When did the abuse start?"

"About a week ago, it escalated quickly."

The officer jotted something down.

"What sparked the first argument you had that lead to him using physical force on you?"

She blushed and glanced at Derek fleetingly before clearing her throat. "Um, we were…we were being intimate and I said another man's name. He got really upset and left the bedroom. I went to apologize and tell him I was leaving and that's when he hit me." She glanced over at Derek and saw that he was staring at his lap; his hands were gripping the arms of the chair so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

"What happened after that?"

"Well, he asked me to stay and I did. I didn't think it would keep happening. We were both really upset and tired."

"But it did keep happening," Officer Hanson said, her voice showing her sympathy.

Meredith nodded. "Yes, everyday. He was sure I was cheating on him."

"So this was a jealous rage that he was in when he attacked you?"

Meredith nodded again.

"Alright. Now, Dr. Grey, we have to ask you this question and you must answer truthfully. Did Mr. Dandrige force you to perform sexual acts? Did he rape you?"

Meredith shifted again and thought back to the morning a few days ago where he had sex with her in the shower and thanked her afterwards. She hadn't protested, hadn't pushed him away, but she didn't want it. She didn't want him touching her, let alone having sex with her.

"Dr. Grey…I know this must be hard to recount, but we need to know."

"I didn't want to have sex with him," Meredith said, tears escaping her eyes. "He…I just knew that if I said no he would get mad."

There was a noise, a chair toppling over. Meredith looked over and saw that Derek was now standing, his chair on its side. "Excuse me," he said before exiting the room. Cristina looked at him and then back at Meredith, an expression of pure pain on her face.

"Consenting to sex out of fear. That's coercion and considered rape, Dr. Grey." Officer Hanson said.

Meredith nodded and looked at Cristina who had now moved closer to her bed.

"I know that must have been difficult for you to recount," Officer Hanson said, walking closer towards Meredith. "But this will help us get a harsher sentence for Mr. Dandridge."

"I know," she said. "Um, do you think we could take a break? I really need to just…" she paused as more tears escaped her eyes and Officer Hanson nodded.

"Of course, take all the time you need." She said before ushering Officer Winston out of the room.

Once the door was shut the room was engulfed in silence. The only sound that could be heard was Meredith sniffing her tears back.

"You should have told me," Cristina said, her voice low.

Meredith looked at her friend and nodded. "I know,"

"I would have murdered him today if I didn't think it would traumatize you."

"I know,"

"Derek would have too." Cristina added, looking at the door again.

"I know," Meredith said for a third time. "He's angry. Angry with me."

Cristina shook her head. "No, angry with himself,"

"Himself? Why?"

"The same reason I'm angry at myself and Bailey is angry at herself and Izzie and Alex and George are angry at themselves. We all saw that something was wrong, Mer. We all saw how tired you were, how withdrawn you were…how your mood was. You weren't yourself and none of us did anything."

"I wouldn't allow you to do anything," Meredith said. "I was like barbed wire all week."

"That's no excuse," Cristina said, tears spilling down her face. "You're my person Meredith and I'm yours. I should have saw and done something. I should have done something." Cristina started sobbing, her head resting on the bed. Meredith shook her head and rubbed her friend's hair.

"Cristina, stop it. Right now. This isn't your fault."

"But,"

"No, stop crying. You're going to make me feel worse if you start blaming yourself, alright?" Cristina looked up and nodded. Her face was red and blotchy. She looked like she was having an allergic reaction to something which made Meredith smirk. "Good."

The door opened and Derek peeked his head in. "It's over?" he asked.

"We're just on a break," Cristina answered, wiping the tears off her face. "I'm going to get some coffee. Can I get you anything?"

Meredith shook her head, her eyes not leaving Derek as he hovered in the doorway. Cristina left, leaving the two of them together.

"I shouldn't have asked you to stay," Meredith said. "I didn't think,"

Derek closed the door behind him and walked towards her, shaking his head. "No, I'm sorry I left. I couldn't…I just couldn't listen to you speak about him…him…"

"I know," Meredith said, patting the space next to her on the bed. Derek slowly sat down and watched as Meredith scooted closer to him, placing a hand in his. "I know,"

"I shouldn't have left you," He said.

Meredith smirked. "Derek, you haven't left my side for four days."

"You're being discharged tomorrow." He said, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles.

"I am,"

"I can stay with you. Or you can stay with me at my trailer if you don't want to go back to your house just yet."

Meredith grinned. "Derek, that really isn't necessary. I can take care of…" she stopped, her grin fading.

"What?" asked Derek.

She sighed. "I was going to say I can take care of myself but I guess that's not true. I've proven how weak I am."

"Stop talking," Derek said, shaking his head. "Stop talking if you're going to continue with this. Meredith, you are not weak. You are one of the strongest people I know."

"How do you figure that?" she asked, tears springing into her eyes. "I let a man beat me up for a week straight. He raped me, Derek and I didn't do anything about it! How does that qualify me as strong?"

"You survived, Meredith. Don't you see how strong that makes you? You showed up to work every day despite what was going on. You kicked ass in every surgery you assisted on. You fought back, Meredith. You're strong. And I know you can take care of yourself. I would just like to be there to help."

She smiled, despite the tears and the constricting feeling in her chest. She was about to say something, thank him or blubber and accept his offer to stay with her but she was interrupted when her hospital door swung open and Richard Webber entered, looking grim.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked, immediately standing and walking towards the Chief.

"Derek, I need to speak with you outside."

"What's going on?" Meredith asked, sitting up higher in her hospital bed.

"I just need to speak with Dr. Sheppard in the hallway," Richard said, grinning sadly at Meredith. "It's urgent," he added, his attention back on Derek.

Derek looked at Meredith and nodded slightly. "Okay, I'll be right back."

Once out in the hallway, Richard let out a breath and rested against the wall across from Meredith's room.

"Richard," Derek said. "What happened?"

"It's been brought to my attention that Finn Dandridge is missing."

"Excuse me? Missing?"

"He somehow managed to get past security at Mercy West. None of the doctors at Mercy West discharged him. None of them saw him leave. Police are looking for him now but they have no idea where he is."

Derek shook his head. "This can't be happening. Who do they have working there? A bunch of fucking amateurs?"

"Derek, you need to calm down. Meredith cannot see you like this."

"Meredith," Derek said, glancing back at her room. "She's not safe when he's out there."

"The police have informed me that she will be under supervision. A few officers will remain outside her home until Finn is found."

"That's not enough," Derek said, shaking his head.

"It's going to have to be enough for now," Richard said. "Now, do you want to tell Meredith or shall I?"

Derek couldn't understand how all of this could possibly be happening. The idea of Meredith being in even more danger than she had been in sent a crippling fear throughout his body. His stomach churned and his brow was covered in sweat.

When Meredith was first brought into Seattle Grace, she had been unconscious for five and a half hours. Derek stayed by her side, watching her chest rise and fall with each painful breath and thanked every god in the universe that she was alive. He couldn't help but blame himself for this mess. If he had just been true with himself, he would have been with Meredith. He would have signed the divorce papers and met her at Joe's that night. Instead, he chose Addison, therefore driving Meredith into the arms of Finn. It was his fault.

"I'll tell her," Derek said weakly.

Richard nodded and patted Derek's shoulder. Slowly, Derek walked back into Meredith's room. She was still sitting up in bed, her eyes full of curiosity and worry.

"Well?" she asked. "What happened?"

* * *

A/n: Thanks again for your reviews. Now, I gotta know: What did you think of the season finale? I was on the urge of vomiting the entire episode haha.


	9. Not A Second Time

_A/n: this chapter isn't very long, I apologize. Thanks again for your wonderful reviews. It's probably not necessary to continuously thank you all every chapter but I need to because it really does mean so much. Thank you for your support, it's amazing. _

* * *

_Chapter 9: Not A Second Time_

It couldn't have been real. This must have been some cruel, sick joke Derek was playing on her. There was no way in hell Finn had escaped police supervision at Mercy West. There was absolutely no way that this nightmare was going to start up again.

"They're going to find him, Mer." Derek was saying. His voice was soothing, but she could hear the worry behind his words.

"I don't understand," Meredith said. "How could he just escape?"

"I really don't know. Police are reviewing security camera footage to see just how he did it but whatever they find it's inexcusable. He was supposed to be monitored twenty-four-seven by officers." Derek let out a breath and sat on Meredith's bed, taking her hand in his. "I want to stay at your house, Meredith. I'll sleep on the couch if you want but I want to be there."

Meredith nodded. She was still trying to wrap her head around everything. A part of her, a tiny hopeful part, believed that Finn escaped _to_ escape. He didn't want to be arrested. However, the other part of her, the part that knew Finn and knew what he was capable of, had to believe that Finn escaping officer surveillance was to get to her. To finish what he started.

The thought of seeing Finn again, having his hands on her and feeling his knuckles crush into the side of her face again made her stomach turn. Quickly, she covered her mouth with her hand and bolted from bed, racing towards the bathroom where she emptied her stomach aggressively. She felt Derek behind her. He was holding her hair and rubbing her back. He was whispering something, something soothing and comforting no doubt, but all Meredith could hear was her heart beating in her ears.

"Meredith?" came Cristina's voice. "What happened?"

Derek let out a sigh. "Finn…he escaped security and he's missing."

Meredith emptied her stomach again before Cristina could express her fury. Once Meredith was finished, she heard the tail end of her best friends tirade.

"…who the fuck do they have working there? Don't worry Mer, he's not dumb enough to step foot near Seattle Grace."

"I'm being discharged tomorrow," Meredith said, sitting up and staring at Cristina and Derek. "I can't stay here forever, Cristina. I need to go home."

"What? No, you can stay in the on-call rooms and I doubt the Chief would care if you stayed…"

"No," Meredith said, trying to keep her voice strong. She slowly lifted herself up off the dirty bathroom floor and shook her head. "I don't want to hide anymore. I'm done being scared. I'll be perfectly fine at home. Officers are going to be on twenty-four hour surveillance plus you'll be staying with me," she said, looking at Derek. "Adding in Izzie and Alex, I think I'll be fine."

"Mer," Cristina started but Meredith quickly walked past her friend and got back into bed.

"I know you're concerned Cristina. I know everyone is. But I'm done. I want things to go back to normal. I want to go back to work. I want to be able to step outside these hospital walls and not be afraid." She paused and allowed a small grin to appear on her face. "Okay?"

Cristina sighed and looked at Derek who was staring at Meredith with a look of admiration mixed with something else Cristina couldn't place. Was it guilt?

"Fine," Cristina said. "But I want to stay with you too."

Meredith chuckled. "Cristina,"

"No. I'm staying."

A knock on the door broke the brief moment of silence and Officer Hanson along with her partner, Officer Winston, entered once again.

"We'd like to continue questioning now, if that's alright?" Officer Hanson began.

Meredith let out a breath. "Fine," she said, although her patience at the officers was wearing thin. Maybe if more people had been staying with Finn instead of questioning her, he wouldn't have escaped Mercy West.

Derek and Cristina stood by the door, each asking Meredith with their eyes if she wanted them to stay for this round. She nodded at them and turned her attention back towards the two towering officers before her.

"We spoke to a roommate of yours, Doctor Isobel Stevens." Officer Hanson said. "She said that Mr. Dandridge appeared at your home the morning of the last attack with a head wound. How did that happen?"

"I was at his house the night before. We had gotten into a fight but this time I fought back."

Cristina grinned from her post at the door and looked at Derek, expecting to see the same pride in his eyes. Instead, she saw the same grief that had plagued his features for four days now.

"He was on top of me, strangling me. I couldn't breathe. When he finally loosened his grip, he started going for my clothing and I knew he was going to rape me so I found a doorstop and hit him over the head with it."

"What happened after that?"

"He was unconscious so I took his car and drove home."

"You didn't think about going to the police? Or to the hospital?" asked Officer Winston. His voice was laced with skepticism.

Meredith shifted in her bed. "No,"

"Why not? Why endure all you did and not tell anyone?"

Officer Hanson shot her partner a look before turning her attention back towards Meredith. "I apologize for my partners insensitivity."

"I didn't tell anyone because…" she stopped and let out a breath. "He said he would kill Derek if I did."

Derek's eyes widened and he felt the bile rising into his throat.

"I knew he would. He would kill me too. I couldn't tell anyone."

"Dr. Sheppard, Dr. Yang," Officer Hanson said. "We'll need to question you two as well about what you found when you arrived at Meredith's home later that day, alright?"

Derek nodded mutely, fighting the urge to get sick all over the hospital floor. Cristina answered for them, "Yes, of course."

Officer Hanson and Winston both retreated from the room, leaving the three alone again. The silence was interrupted by the beeping of Cristina's pager on her person. "Shit," she said, looking down at it.

"Go," Meredith said. "Rock out in surgery for me."

Cristina smirked and nodded. "I'll be back later and fill you in on the gory details."

"Please do,"

The door closed behind her friend, leaving Meredith and Derek alone. He still stood by the door, silent and still. Meredith briefly wondered if he was breathing.

"Derek?" she asked.

"It's my fault," he whispered.

"What?" she asked, surprised. That was the last thing she was expecting him to say.

"This, all of this," he said, motioning towards her. "This all happened because of me,"

"Come here please," she said, sitting up straighter in bed. Derek walked towards her and sat down next to her. He was breaking. His eyes were leaking tears of pure pain and torture. His shoulders were shaking. Meredith gently lowered his body and snuggled up against him, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt his head lower onto hers and she let out a breath of contentment. "None of this is your fault,"

"Meredith," he said, his voice clogged from tears. "I never stopped loving you. I should have never left you. I should have never chosen Addison over you. If I hadn't done that…"

"None of this would have happened?" Meredith asked. "Maybe not, but we can't think about that."

"It's all I think about!" Derek said. "Meredith you were…you could have…"

"Because of Finn. Not because of you, Derek."

He remained silent. Meredith knew he didn't believe her. It broke her heart knowing that he was blaming himself for this. He had been such a rock these past four days, she had no idea these thoughts were bubbling on the surface.

Derek continued to sob as he held her tight. Meredith sniffed back her own tears and closed her eyes. He didn't believe her, but she would make sure he would one day.

* * *

A/N: I'll have this updated within the week. Thanks again for your reviews!


	10. Wait

_Chapter 10 - Wait_

"The security footage shows Mr. Dandridge walking out of his hospital room at 11:52 PM on Wednesday evening. He then walked past security and simply walked out the front doors."

"This is un-fucking-believable." Derek exclaimed as he, Meredith and a few police officers reviewed the security footage of Mercy West in Meredith's living room. "How does that happen?"

"We're questioning the security guards on duty that night," Officer Forrester said. "Right now, all we can do is offer our sincerest apologies and our promise that we'll find him."

Derek snorted and shook his head. Meredith placed a comforting hand on his and smiled stiffly towards the officers across from her. "Thanks," she said.

The officers stood and began to leave the living room when Izzie and Alex appeared from behind the wall. They were obviously listening in.

"Excuse me," Izzie began, stopping the officers in their tracks. "We were just wondering when Meredith could return to work."

"Work?" asked Officer Forrester.

"We're surgical interns. It's important that we clock in enough OR time or else we fall behind and we don't gain enough experience and when the surgical intern exam comes we'd be completely screwed and we'd have to redo our entire intern year."

Alex pulled Izzie back and stepped in front of her. "We just don't want to see Mer fall behind."

Meredith gave her friends and amused look, yet she opened her ears, wanting to hear the answer the Officers gave them herself. She was aching to go back to work.

"Dr. Grey can return to work whenever she feels fit." Officer Forrester said. He turned back towards Meredith and nodded. "You'll have to realize that there will be police officers around the hospital as well as escorting you home."

Meredith sighed. "Is that really necessary?"

"Of course it is," Derek said. "She realizes and understands,"

Officer Forrester nodded. "Good. I'll be the head of security around your home. I'll be in an unmarked car just across the street. I left my number on the table," he pointed towards a tiny white card that rested on the dirty coffee table. "Give me a call if anything suspicious happens."

"You'll be right across the street," Derek said. "Shouldn't you be stopping anything suspicious from happening?"

Officer Forrester looked at his partners and they looked away. "That will be all, Dr. Grey." He said.

Derek scoffed and turned away from the retreating officers.

"Derek, I would really appreciate it if you stopped harassing the people trying to protect me!" Meredith said, once they were gone. "Also, I can speak for myself."

"I know you can speak for yourself,"

Meredith sighed and sat back down on the couch. "I want to return to work tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Derek asked. "Isn't that a little too soon?"

"It's been six days, Derek. I can't miss a full week. That's too much. Izzie and Alex were right, I'm going to fall behind."

Derek let out a breath and sat down next to her. "Fine, but we're riding together in the morning."

Meredith smirked. "You're shift starts three hours later than mine tomorrow,"

He shrugged. "I'll check up on some of my patients."

"I appreciate this Derek, I really do but…I can't have you watching over me like I'm going to fall apart any second."

He faced her and shook his head. "You're not going to fall apart any second, but I may."

Meredith touched the side of Derek's face and felt his stubble scratch her palm. "You know…you can sleep in my bed tonight. The couch can't be that comfortable."

Derek smirked. "It's not so bad…but your bed might be better,"

"I think it might be,"

Their lips brushed against each others for only a second before Cristina stormed into the house, hollering about how Bailey made her do sutures all morning, causing them to break apart.

"Impeccable timing, Cristina has." Meredith said, a small smirk on her face.

Derek chuckled and brushed a piece of her hair out of her face. "Later," he said, his voice soft, almost like a whisper. "We'll continue this."

Meredith felt the heat rising in the pit of her stomach as she watched Derek stand and walk towards the kitchen. She wasn't sure what she and Derek were yet. The half kiss they had just experienced moments ago had been the first lip to lip contact they had shared since they had broken up. Meredith was sure that she loved Derek, and she knew that he loved her too but after everything that happened, she wasn't sure she was ready to be in another romantic relationship just yet.

However, this was Derek. He was different. He wasn't just a boyfriend or a hookup. He was…Derek. Meredith paused her thoughts as Cristina flopped down on the couch next to her. She would definitely want to string her up if she could hear Meredith's thoughts.

* * *

Meredith walked into her bedroom later that night, her hair dripping from the hot shower she had just taken. She wasn't surprised to find Derek, sitting on her bed dressed in flannel pajama bottoms with no shirt on. She let her eyes dance across his toned chest and the dark chest hair that covered it.

The sight practically made her mouth water.

He was grinning at her, giving her a look that told her he was reading her mind. A look that told her he wanted the same thing. She grinned and sat next to him, suddenly growing nervous. Her palms started to sweat and her heart began to race. Why was she so nervous? This was Derek! A man she had been with countless times in the past, in practically every room of this house!

"How was your shower?" he asked her.

She jumped at his voice and grinned sheepishly at him. "Fine," she answered. "Hot,"

He smirked and touched her bare shoulder, brushing away the drops of water that still fell from her hair. Meredith relaxed and loosened her grip on the towel that was covering her naked body.

"I've missed you, Derek." She whispered, turning to face him fully.

Derek grinned and touched the side of her face. "I've missed you," he answered before kissing her.

Their lips hungrily attacked each others, both their tongues fighting to gain entrance into each other's mouths. He lowered her body gently onto the bed and a small moan escaped her lips as she felt his hardness pressing on her thigh.

"Derek," she said, closing her eyes tightly. She felt the cold air hit her skin as her towel was removed and she shivered for just a moment before his body lowered on top of hers and warmth spread all over.

She felt his hands on her body, touching her breasts and stomach, just light enough not to aggravate old wounds. She felt like she was in heaven, exactly where she belonged but then like a flash, Finn's face appeared in her mind.

Derek's hands were touching her inner thighs, spreading her legs apart and all Meredith could think about was Finn and how his touches were so unlike Derek's. Derek's hands didn't feel like acid on her skin. His tongue didn't feel like a hot sponge in her mouth, gagging her or bathing her in saliva. Derek was perfect. His touches were like feathers that still burned her skin with desire. His tongue was slick and moved perfectly inside her mouth. His body was made to fit hers, Meredith thought, but then why was she crying?

Derek looked down at her and his eyes widened. He quickly rolled off her and stared down at the sobbing woman next to him.

"No, please don't stop," Meredith said, trying desperately to halt her tears. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm…"

Derek sighed and shook his head. "I'm a jackass. It's too soon."

"No, it's not too soon," Meredith said, although her tears said otherwise.

"Meredith," he said, laying down next to her. He pulled her against him and held her as she continued to cry in his arms. "We don't have to do this tonight."

"But I want to," she said. She sounded like a child who wasn't getting her way. It made Derek smirk despite the sickening feeling in his stomach.

"We have the rest of our lives to do this. Right now you need to rest."

The rest of our lives. Meredith hiccuped and looked up at Derek who was staring sadly down at her. "I love you," she said.

Derek smiled and kissed her forehead. "I love you too. Now sleep,"

Meredith sighed and wiped away her remaining tears. Finn's face still glared at her when she closed her eyes but she didn't feel scared. How could she when she was in the arms of a man who truly loved her?

* * *

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this update. I'll have the next chapter up soon. Thanks for your reviews!


	11. With A Little Help From My Friends

_Chapter 11 – With A Little Help From My Friends_

"You're sure you want to go back today?" Derek asked as he watched Meredith get dressed. The sunlight was shining pleasantly through the window, making her light brown hair look golden. She turned around and glared at him, her eyebrows knitted together and her were hands placed firmly on her hips.

"For the hundredth time, yes!"

"You won't fall behind if you wait another few days, you know."

"I know," Meredith said through gritted teeth. "You've made me well aware that I could take another three days off and still be perfectly fine but I don't want to, Derek. I need to go back to work."

He sighed and stood up from the bed. "Just take it easy today, okay?"

Meredith looked over her shoulder and let out a breath. "I will. I promise,"

He smirked. "Good. I'll be downstairs waiting. Don't take too long now or you'll be late."

"If you'd stop hassling me for a minute then I would be dressed already!" Meredith yelled after his retreating form. She heard him chuckle on the stairs and she couldn't help but grin.

Ass.

* * *

The moment she entered Seattle Grace, all eyes were on her. This, this was the one and only reason Meredith was nervous about returning to work. She hated being the center of attention. She didn't like the feeling of a dozen pair of eyes burning in from every angle. It made her skin crawl.

Derek placed a comforting hand on the small of her back as they walked toards the interns locker room. Cristina, Alex, George and Izzie were already there, dressed in their pale blue scrubs, waiting for her.

They were standing around her locker and once she got closer, Meredith knew why. A piece of red construction paper was taped to her locker door with the words 'Welcome Back Meredith' written on it in black magic marker. Meredith laughed and looked at Derek who was grinning at her friends.

"I think you'll be fine now," he said, kissing her cheek and leaving to begin his day a few hours early.

"I'm guessing this was Izzie's idea." Meredith said, grinning at her sign.

"Who else? If it were my idea there would be no sign but more booze," Cristina said, playfully nudging Meredith's shoulder with her own.

"I just wanted to make sure your first day back was nice and stress-free."

"How does a crappy sign make for a stress-free day, exactly?" asked Alex.

"Shut up," Izzie said, shooting him a glare. "It's just a nice thing to think about during the day in case Meredith does have a stressful day."

"It is nice," Meredith said, changing into her scrubs. "I appreciate it, Iz but I don't want you guys to act like this day is any different than any other day. I want today to be normal. I need a normal day."

"Greyhound bus crash on Interstate 5!" Bailey said, running into the locker room. "We're going to need all hands on deck!"

Cristina grinned at Meredith. "Welcome back."

* * *

Meredith removed her surgical cap and entered the scrub room with a tired sigh. She had just spent the last four hours in surgery trying to remove a large shard of glass from a young man's abdomen. The surgery wouldn't have taken so long if the man didn't start crashing every fifteen minutes. Meredith was sure they were going to lose him each time but she was proven wrong, much to her happiness.

Her back ached, her feet hurt and her head was pounding. All she wanted to do was find an on-call room and lay down but she couldn't. She wouldn't allow herself to. She wanted to be strong and on her feet at all times her first day back. She didn't want Derek to be right with his thought that she should have waited a few more days.

"Tough surgery," Alex said as he entered the scrub room after Meredith.

Meredith nodded. "It was."

"How does it feel to be back?"

"It was exactly what I needed," Meredith answered, a grin on her face. She turned off the water and dried her damp, pruned hands. She was about to leave when Alex's sigh stopped her in her tracks.

"Mer," he said, causing her to turn around.

"What?" she asked, hoping to God he wasn't going to be like Derek, or Bailey or the Chief or George who all told her at some point throughout the day that she should be taking it easy.

"We haven't really gotten a chance to talk since everything happened." He said, leaning his back up against the wall across from the sinks.

"Alex,"

"I know you don't want to talk about it anymore. Fuck, I don't want to talk about it either. I just want you to know…I know what it's like. My father used to beat the shit out of my mother and me for years. People may think you're weak or you're stupid for not telling people about what was happening but I know what that's like. People will never understand until they've been in the same situation."

Meredith stared at her friend and nodded her head. "Thanks Alex."

He nodded. "I've wanted to tell you that for a few days now but you never seem to be alone anymore." He grinned. "McDreamy won't let you out of his sight."

"He feels guilty," Meredith confessed, leaning up against the wall next to Alex. "He blames himself for everything that happened with Finn because he chose Addison over me."

"When you watch someone you love get hurt, it's easy to blame yourself. I used to do that all the time with my mom. Hell, I even blamed myself for what happened to you! I had the guy, I fucking had him. I was putting staples in his goddamned head for crying out loud! But soon you realize that the only person to blame in situations like this is the fucker whose doing the hurt."

Meredith smirked. "Tell Derek that, please."

"He'll figure it out sooner or later. Hell, I think everyone in this hospital feels partially responsible for what happened. I caught that nurse Olivia crying in an on-call room about it the other day. I didn't even know you two were friends."

Meredith let out a sigh and thought back to the day Olivia had caught her and Finn fighting. "I just wish everyone would stop feeling guilty. It makes me feel worse about hiding it."

Alex placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, you want people to stop feeling guilty? Start kicking ass in surgeries again and they will go back to hating you out of jealously. I mean, I totally mopped the floor with you in there. You've got to step up your game, Grey."

Meredith laughed and hit Alex's arm. "You wish, Karev."

He chuckled and the two of them walked out of the scrub room to see what else the day had in store for them.

* * *

a/n: sorry this was such a short chapter. life is pretty hectic right now but I promise I'll update with the next chapter soon! And it will be longer, haha.

thanks again for your kind reviews and for sticking by this story! it means a lot!


	12. In Spite of All The Danger

_A/N: hey guys, the beginning of this chapter is a little M rated. It's really not TOO graphic, but I just want to give you a heads up in case that ain't your thing :)_

* * *

_Chapter 12 – In Spite of All The Danger_

He watched them pull into the driveway and all five of them stepped out of the car. They looked tired as hell as they dragged their bodies up the porch steps and into the dark, quiet house. He glanced down the street and saw a black car, an unmarked police car. Two men sat inside. One was reading a newspaper while the other looked to be sleeping.

It was too easy.

But why couldn't they be alone?

He couldn't do it when the others were there. He didn't want them. He just wanted her and that man she chose over him. He settled himself into his car and leaned back in the seat, his eyes never leaving the house before him. He would wait. He'd wait as long as he needed to.

* * *

Meredith climbed into bed and rested her head down on her soft pillow. "I've missed you," she whispered into it.

Derek chuckled. "I've never been jealous of a pillow before." He said, climbing into bed next to her.

Meredith grinned and rolled onto her side. "How was your day?"

"Had three surgeries, so very, very busy."

"You must be exhausted," she said, her eyes closed.

He smirked at her and nodded. "Not as much as you, it seems."

She opened one eye and grinned. "I helped pull a shard of glass out of a man's stomach today. Plus, I watched them remove a piece of the bus from a woman's leg. The metal was completely wrapped around her leg. She didn't even lose it!" She stopped talking when she noticed Derek was just grinning at her, not saying a word. "What?"

"Nothing," he said. "I just haven't seen you this excited about something in a long time. I missed seeing that spark in your eyes."

She smiled and hoisted herself up, "I know something else that gets a spark in them," she whispered before capturing his lips with hers. Slowly, their lips moved together. Derek's hands wove their way into her hair while hers began unbuttoning his shirt.

Once her hands were on his bare skin, Derek pulled away and looked at her.

"We should stop," he said, although looking at her plump, swollen lips, the only thing he wanted to do was kiss her.

"I don't want to stop," she said. "I just want you,"

"Are you sure? I don't mind waiting Meredith and you should really get your rest..."

"Derek..." she said, her eyes staring into his intensely.

He kissed her again and began to slowly remove her clothing. It was gentle and slow and tender and everything that made Meredith swoon.

His fingers tickled her skin as they danced across it. Soon they were both naked and holding onto each other as though they were the only two people in the world that really mattered.

And they were, for that moment.

Slowly, Derek entered her and she arched her back, letting out a hiss of pleasure. He didn't pound into her, didn't pull her hair or bite at her nipples. He gently moved himself in and out of her, allowing her to create the pace she wanted them to continue at.

"Mmmm," she purred. "Derek,"

"Mer…Meredith…" he said, bending his head low to kiss her again.

Her hands found their way to his bottom and began to push him into her more.

"Please," she said. "Faster,"

He hoisted himself up and began thrusting, the slapping noise of skin against skin was driving him mad. Meredith was practically screaming now, her head thrown back in complete ecstasy.

"Fuck," he said, feeling her slick walls contracting around his member. "Fuck,"

Meredith scrapped her nails down Derek's chest and let out a cry as she succumbed to her orgasm. A few moments later, Derek released his seed inside her, shuttering and moaning as each drop left his body and coated her inner walls.

"I take it back," she said, still breathing heavy. "Forget surgery. That was exactly what I needed."

Derek, unable to speak, pulled out and rolled into his back. He pulled her body up against his and let out a deep breath. "Did I hurt you?" he asked, gently.

Meredith shook her head and buried her face into his neck. "Never," she said. "It was perfect."

He squeezed her closer to him and let out a content sigh. "It was," he said.

* * *

He watched them, the anger inside him reaching a boiling point. He watched them both enter her bedroom and get into bed. He watched the shadows on the walls join together in a crazy puzzle of lust and ecstasy. He gripped his steering wheel so hard his knuckles were egg-white. Quickly, he stepped on the gas and sped down the block. He couldn't bear to look at that house for another minute.

* * *

Meredith woke up early the next morning in Derek's arms. Their naked bodies were pressed together, separated only by the sweat that still covered their bodies. She grinned and snuggled closer to him, not wanting to think about leaving the comfort of her bed anytime soon.

As if reading her thoughts, the alarm on her bedside table began to ring and Derek quickly detached himself from her, letting out a groan in the process.

"Stupid alarm clock," she muttered, glaring at the contraption before turning it off.

"What time is your first surgery today?" she asked Derek, watching him rub the sleep out of his eyes.

He yawned and looked down at her. "Eight," he said, his eyes scanning her still naked form. He felt himself tighten in his pajamas as she raised her arms above her head and stretched.

"What?"she asked innocently, a small smirk on her face. Derek did not answer, he simply laid back down and covered her lips with his, emitting a peaceful moan from her throat.

* * *

The dark lightening, the laughter, the smell of alcohol…Meredith missed Joe's enormously. Finn had always forbade her from spending time after work with her friends so it had been awhile since she had stepped foot in the doctor-filled bar. She walked up to the bar, Cristina and Izzie in tow and sat down, flashing Joe a smile.

"Meredith!" he said, smiling just as wide. "It's been awhile. The usual?"

"Absolutely," Meredith responded, watching with glee as he filled a shot class with tequila.

"Where have you been? Vacation?" asked Joe, setting the shot in front of her.

"No, just busy with work," Meredith said smoothly before downing the shot in one. Joe smirked and refilled it before walking to the other end of the bar.

"So, I take it you and McDreamy had a nice night last night." Izzie said, grinning. "And this morning. Not sure your headboard could say the same though."

Meredith chuckled. "It was nice."

"McAssFace couldn't wait to get you back into bed, could he?" grumbled Cristina, sipping at her vodka tonic.

Meredith scowled. "Cristina, it was mutual. Can't you just be happy for me and Derek for once?"

Cristina sighed and shrugged her shoulders halfheartedly. "I'm happy you're happy. I'd be even happier if you remain this happy."

Meredith smirked and looked down at the bar top. Cristina really did always have her best interests at heart. "I don't plan on becoming unhappy anytime soon."

Cristina smirked and took another long sip of her drink. "I'll drink to that."

"What are you doing here?" George asked suddenly, rushing up towards his three friends. His eyes were full of concern as he stared at Meredith. "Where are your escorts?"

"Right here," Cristina said, wrapping an arm around Meredith's shoulders.

George shook his head and walked to the other side of Meredith. "I meant your police escorts? You're not supposed to go anywhere without them until Fin is back in custody!"

Meredith downed her second shot and grinned at George. "I'm fine, George. I don't need to be under constant supervision." She waved Joe over, signaling she was ready for another shot.

"Um, yes you do." George protested. "Meredith," he continued, his voice lower. "It's not safe. He's still out there and you're…"

"I'm aware of everything George, thank you." Meredith said, shooting him a glare. "Is it so wrong that I want to have a night with my friends without feeling the eyes of six foot tall police officers burning on my back?"

"Relax George," Izzie said. "We're not going to let anything happen. Once we're finished here we're going right back to the hospital and waiting for Derek and Alex's shift to be over."

"Dr. Sheppard, does he know about this?"

"Oh my god, Bambi, will you shut up and have a drink?" Cristina said, shoving a mug of beer in his face.

George refused the drink and continued to stare at Meredith. "This isn't right, Meredith."

Meredith chewed on her lower lip and stared at Cristina and Izzie.

"No," Izzie said, shaking her head. "You're not going back. You're staying here and George is leaving. It's a girls night. Bye-bye Georgie."

Meredith grinned and took her third shot, all while side-eyeing George as he sulked away. She slammed the shot glass down and let out a laugh. She needed this, she needed time away with her friends. She needed the tequila.

* * *

Derek let out a sigh as he exited the scrub room. He glanced at his watch and noticed, with delight, that his shift was over. He quickly started towards the locker room, wanting to get out of his scrubs and meet Meredith in the lobby as soon as possible. Her shift ended nearly two hours ago but she had promised to wait for him so they could travel home together. He knew she was capable of commuting to and from on her own, especially when she was in the company of police officers, but Derek still felt better being with her and knowing for a fact that she was alright.

Minutes later, Derek was making his way towards the lobby, anxious to see Meredith. He hadn't seen her all day because he had two long surgeries that took hold of most of his hours. As he reached the lobby, he let his eyes scan the area looking for Meredith. His heartbeat quickened slightly when he didn't see her anywhere.

He looked towards the lobby chairs near a vending machine where Meredith usually waited for him and saw that it was occupied by an elderly couple and a young girl around the age of six.

Derek walked around the lobby, his pulse quickening with each second he did not see Meredith.

"Hey man, you still here?" asked Mark walking up towards him. "I thought you would have left the minute your shift ended."

"Have you seen Meredith?" Derek asked, ignoring his friends question.

Mark shook his head. "Not since this morning. Was she supposed to meet you here?"

"Right here," Derek said. "The moment my shift ended."

"Relax, maybe she's in the bathroom or grabbing a coffee."

Derek shook his head, his eye still scanning the lobby for his missing girlfriend.

"Aren't those her bodyguards?" Mark asked, looking at the two tall men in police uniforms standing by the nurse's station.

"They're not bodyguards," Derek said, walking towards them. He was about to question them when he felt Mark pulling at his arm. "What?" he asked, turning around swiftly.

Mark grinned and pointed towards the doors where Meredith, Izzie and Cristina stumbled inside. They were laughing and red-faced. Clearly they had been at Joe's. Derek felt instant relief flood over him but it quickly turned into anger. He stormed up to them and shook his head.

"Where were you?" he asked.

Meredith let out a laugh. "At Joe's," she answered.

"With no police officers with you?" he asked incredulously.

"I don't need them twenty-four-seven." Meredith said, swaying a bit. "I had Izzie and Cristina."

"Yang _is_ pretty dangerous," Mark said. "And I'm sure Stevens could lull people into submission."

"Is that supposed to mean I'm boring?" Izzie asked, clearly offended but Derek quickly began speaking over her.

"Do you realize how stupid that was, Meredith? How dangerous?" He looked around and noticed they were attracting attention of some other doctors and patients. "We'll discuss this when we get home."

"You guys ready?" Alex asked, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. He noticed the tense scene before him and raised an eyebrow. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing," Derek said. "Let's go."

* * *

Meredith woke up the next morning and moaned in pain. Her head was pounding and her stomach was twisting unpleasantly.

Tequila.

What was she thinking? She rolled over and saw that the bed was empty next to her. Letting out a sigh, Meredith sat up and quickly lifted the glass of water by her bed, downing all the contents in one gulp. Slowly, she vacated her bed and made her way out of the bedroom but stopped when her door swung open and Derek appeared, a bottle of aspirin in one hand and a fresh glass of water in the other.

"Oh, you're awake." he said. "I was just about to wake you."

"Beat you to it," Meredith said, reaching out for the pills and water but Derek pulled them away.

"We have to talk about last night." he said. "You fell asleep in the car on the way home so we didn't really get a chance to last night."

Meredith cringed. Had she really been that drunk?

"What were you thinking?" he asked gently. "I was worried sick about you."

"I wasn't really thinking," Meredith said. "I'm just tired of this entire situation, Derek."

Derek sighed and sat down on her bed. "I know you are,"

Meredith shook her head. "I don't like being followed by police officers. I don't like knowing there is a police officer across the street right now. It makes me sick knowing that Finn is still out there but what if they never find him? Am I expected to live like this for the rest of my life?"

Derek shook his head. "I don't know, Meredith. What I do know that you had me really worried last night when I walked into the lobby and didn't see you anywhere."

Meredith sat down next to him and gently placed a hand on his leg. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to be gone for so long…or get as drunk as I did."

"I know," Derek said, covering her hand with his. "I know you need a break from this all but maybe next time you want to sneak away from police supervision, make sure I'm around, alright?"

Meredith smirked and nodded. "Deal. Can I have my medication now?"

Derek chuckled and handed her the aspirin and water. "Lucky we have the morning off, right?"

Meredith grinned and laid back down, rubbing the bed next to her. "Very lucky,"

* * *

He watched as Cristina, Izzie and Alex exited the house, all happily chatting with each other. They got into a car that was parked into the driveway and pulled out, speeding off towards the hospital. He waited for a moment. Waiting for either of them to leave but they never did. He glanced at the unmarked police car and saw that the two men inside were chatting lazily with one another, their eyes nowhere on the house they were supposed to be watching.

This was his moment.

Quickly, he left his car and walked towards the back of the house. He paused, waiting to see if he had been spotted.

Nothing. He grinned and quickly walked towards the backdoor.


	13. Sweet Little Sixteen

_Chapter 13- Sweet Little Sixteen_

Meredith rolled off Derek and let out a sigh of satisfaction. Her core was still pulsing and her hangover had almost completely vanished. In the distance they heard the laughter of Meredith's roommates and the sound of them leaving the house to begin their morning shift.

"I could stay like this forever," Derek whispered, gently playing with strands of Meredith's long hair.

She grinned up at him and gently kissed his stubble covered chin. "Mmm, me too." she said. "Let's spend the rest of the morning in bed before our shift starts?"

Derek grinned. "I like the sound of that."

"Good, but first I need coffee."

Derek moved to vacate the bed but Meredith shook her head. "No, I can make it. You stay here." He nodded and watched as Meredith pulled on Derek's shirt and walked out of the bedroom, her hips swaying seductively with each step.

As Meredith walked down the stairs, she felt light. Lighter than she had in ages. She couldn't wait to get back upstairs and into the warm embrace of Derek. She loved the feeling of his arms around her and his smell. Oh god, she was addicted to his smell. She wished she could bottle it up and have it on her at all times.

She let out a sigh as she entered the kitchen and smiled when she saw Cristina had left a pot of coffee for her.

"Perfect," she said to herself as she walked towards the cupboard to pull out a mug. She picked a large green one for Derek and a pale red one for herself. She turned back around and made for the coffee maker but she stopped dead in her tracks.

The back door was open. Wide open. She didn't remember it being open when she entered the kitchen. She felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end as her grip on the coffee mugs tightened. She heard footsteps behind her, the old wooden floor was creaking slowly.

"Derek?" she asked, not turning around.

"Guess again."

Complete shock coursed through her body as she dropped the coffee mugs to the ground. They splintered and broke at her bare feet.

"Oh you better watch yourself, baby. You wouldn't want to get cut."

Meredith turned around and her breath hitched in her throat. Finn was standing in the doorway holding large knife in his meaty hand. He twirled the blade around on his pointer finger and grinned at her.

"Did you miss me?" he asked.

"How did you get in here?" she choked out.

He let out a laugh. "You didn't get the finest of Seattle to watch over you, baby. Or me for that matter."

Her eyes glanced to the ceiling above her where Derek was currently waiting for her.

"What do you want, Finn?" she asked, backing into the counter.

"I came back to get what's rightfully mine." He answered. "And that's you."

"I was never yours," she said, her eyes never leaving the blade that was currently pointed at her.

He chuckled again. "That's where you're wrong. You were always mine. You just don't see it yet, but you will."

Meredith looked to her left and saw the open door. She could make a run for it but she knew from experience that Finn was a faster runner than she was and would likely catch up to her before she reached the street. He was walking towards her, leaving her cornered.

"We belong together, baby," he said, his eyes scanning her body hungrily. "Can't you see that?"

Meredith shook her head. "No," she said before making a mad dash around him. She thought she had made it but almost instantly she felt him grab her hair and pull her to the floor. She let out a whimper as he raised the knife over her.

"Lover-boys upstairs, right?" But he didn't give her time to answer before stabbing the knife into her side.

She let out a cry. She knew for sure Derek had heard her. She heard movement upstairs but her eyes remained on Finn as he quickly took the stairs two at a time, leaving her to die in her own foyer.

* * *

Derek stared at the ceiling, a content smile on his face. Meredith had just sashayed out of the bedroom in just her bra, panties and his oversized shirt. She was an angel. An angel that drove him mad with desire. Just the thought of her made his pants tight. He let out a breath and sat up, eagerly awaiting Meredith's return with their morning coffee.

He looked out the window and saw that it was another beautiful spring day. He loved weather like this. Not too hot or cold, just a gentle breeze and the smell it came with. He wondered if Meredith would be up to spending the weekend at his trailer. It was perfect weather to be outdoors and in nature. Of course, it wouldn't be just the two of them. It would be the two of them and a pair of police officers.

He sighed. He hoped this nightmare would be over soon.

His thoughts were broken when he heard the distant sound of glass breaking. He sat up in bed and arched an eyebrow, straining his ears to hear anything. He didn't. His heartbeat was fast in his chest but he tried not to worry. Meredith was clumsy, she was almost known for it. Plus, she hated when he worried about her every second of the day. He lowered himself back down on the bed and returned his gaze to the cracked white ceiling.

Raising his wrist so his watch was eye-level, he sat up again, annoyed with himself for being so antsy and impatient and worried all the damn time. But how long did it take to make coffee?

Long if you broke something along the way, he mused. He let out a chuckle and tried to calm his nerves. He was about to lay down again when he heard a loud cry.

No. That was something to be worried around.

"Meredith?" he called out, quickly untangling himself from the blankets. He rushed towards the door but stopped short when he heard loud footfalls on the stairs coming towards him.

His heart stopped.

The door opened and he was faced with Finn. Finn looking happy. Finn looking satisfied. Finn holding a bloody knife in his hands.

His heart exploded.

"What did you do to Meredith?" he asked, anger and fear erupting inside him like a ten foot wave.

"She'll be fine," Finn said, stepping closer to Derek. "She knows she deserves this,"

Derek shook his head. "I swear to god if you touched her I'll…"

"Oh you're not going to be able to do anything very soon," Finn said, holding the knife out. A bead of Meredith's blood dropped to the floor and Derek had to stop himself from getting sick. He tried to hear her downstairs. Movement or a cry but all he heard was silence.

Finn stepped closer to him, a glare in his eye that reminded Derek of a wild animal stalking his prey. Derek straightened his back. He was a predator in his own right.

He needed to buy time. He needed to think of a plan. "What do you think?" Derek asked calmly. "That you'll kill me and Meredith will run to you and love you and want to be with you?"

Finn shook his head. "She already loves me and wants to be with me. It's you that's keeping us apart."

"She doesn't love you, Finn." Derek said, shaking his head.

Finn stormed up to him and held the tip of the knife to Derek's throat. "Don't say that," he said, his spit hitting Derek in the face. "Don't ever say that,"

Derek tried to remain composed but the knife was slowly digging into his throat and he knew if Finn put anymore pressure onto it, he would break the skin.

"I had plans for us. You ruined them," Finn said with a frown. He looked down at the knife and his frown quickly turned into a grin. "Funny thing about necks? They're strong. They support the head. Yet with just a little bit of pressure…" He pushed the knife a little deeper and small beads of blood bubbled over the knife. Derek winced and closed his eyes. "I'll say goodbye for you to Meredith," he said.

Derek opened his eyes and watched as Finn pulled the knife off his neck and moved it into a slicing angle but suddenly, he dropped it. The knife fell to the floor with a clatter and Finn's face had a pained expression on it.

In a sudden motion, Finn fell to the floor with a loud thud. A pair of scissors was completely embedded into the top of his neck. Derek looked up and saw Meredith. She was pale and hunched over. His shirt she had been wearing was off her body and wrapped around her torso, soaked in thick red blood.

"Meredith," he said, rushing towards her.

She looked up at him and grinned weakly. "Are you okay?" she asked, her voice sounding distant in her own ears.

She didn't hear Derek's response. She felt him lift her and carry her down the stairs and out the front door. The cool air kissed her skin and she felt herself smile.

She loved this weather.

* * *

a/n: ok, so I think my inner soap opera writer came out in this chapter a bit. I realize that dialogue was pretty dramatic but who cares! not me! the main thing is meredith was kick ass. thanks for the reviews, guys. they mean so much to me.

the next chapter will sadly be the last! i'll have it posted soon!


	14. Two Of Us

Chapter 14 – Two Of Us

_Three Months Later_

"Where are we going?" she asked, her voice laced in a playful laugh.

"You'll see," he said, holding her hand and guiding her through the trees.

"We've been walking for ages,"

"Oh please, it's been five minutes."

"Feels like five hours,"

"Alright," he stopped and spread out his arms. She looked passed him and her eyes widened. They were on a hill. A hill that overlooked the entire city of Seattle. The view was absolutely breathtaking. She looked around and shook her head. "It's beautiful Derek but I don't understand…"

He smiled and walked closer to her. "It's where I'm going to build our house."

She arched an eyebrow, her lips opening in shock. "Excuse me?"

He nodded. "A huge house. With lots of bedrooms and large spacious bathrooms and a big kitchen." He walked towards the edge of the hill and let out a breath. "You can come out here in the morning and drink your coffee. There is plenty of land for a yard. Doc will love it," he said, grinning. "Plus it's close by to the stream so I can fish."

"It's also a good distance to the hospital." Meredith said, walking towards him.

His eyes brightened. "So you like it? You're up for it?"

"I love it," she said. "But building a house…with lots of bedrooms…" she trailed off, a small smile still playing on her face. "You really want a future like that with me? Me? Meredith 'Dark and Twisty' Grey?"

He chuckled and enveloped her in his arms. "I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather have a future with." He let out a relieved breath and turned to face the view again. "It's not going to be for awhile. Building a house takes time."

"I've got time," she answered, wrapping her arm around Derek's waist.

"I was trying to think of something we could preoccupy ourselves with in the meantime."

"What did you have in mind?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Well, sex. Lots of it," he said which caused a laugh to erupt from her throat. "Maybe a weekend trip to the vineyard."

"Oh, I like that," she said, snuggling in closer.

"Of course we'll be burying ourselves with work,"

"Naturally," Meredith said, closing her eyes.

"And this, maybe."

"What?" asked Meredith. She opened her eyes and a small gasp escaped her lips. He was holding out a ring. A beautiful diamond that was sparkling in the sunlight. She stepped away from him, her eye wide. "What..what is that?"

He looked nervous. More nervous than when he was telling her about the house with the many bedrooms. "It's a ring," he said.

"I know it's a ring." Meredith said, not taking her eyes off of it.

"Meredith…if there's one thing these past few months have taught me it's that I don't want to waste another minute being without you. I don't want to think of a day when I can't hold your hand, kiss your lips or smell your hair. I want you forever, Meredith Grey. Every dark and twisty part of you."

She looked up at him and smiled. "Really?" she asked.

He chuckled and took her hand gently in his. "Really," he said as he slipped the ring on her finger. "Marry me?"

Meredith let out a small laugh and nodded. She kissed him. Kissing his lips, his cheeks, his nose, his eyelids. He chuckled, amused at her affection. "A house and a ring in one day. I don't know how you're ever going to top this."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her again. "I don't know, but I have forever to try."

* * *

Oh god, I hope none of you are lactose intolerant because the cheese factor on this last chapter was high! but I thought the ending needed to be light and fluffy considering how dark and upsetting this story topic was. I also know this last chapter was kinda abrupt, and I do plan on maybe making a separate piece to fill in missing pieces from the last chapter.

Well, that's it folks. I want to thank you all so so much for sticking with me and reading this story. I know a lot of the feedback was mixed when it came to this story. Some of you liked it and some of you hated it and me for writing this story so much. I know I've said it before, but my intention with this story was to never make a mockery out of abusive situations. If you knew me at all, you would know that is something I would NEVER do. Maybe my writing just sucks that it seems like it is a mockery? But with all my writing, I write about REAL situations. Sorry if you're living in a candy coated world where nothing bad happens, but shit like this does happen unfortunately. Yeah, I wrote this story using characters from a popular tv show, but so what? I don't think making the character Meredith Grey makes this a mockery and I'm sorry some of you feel that way.

For those of you who have supported this story and read it and left me some amazing reviews and personal messages encouraging me and understanding where I came from, THANK YOU. It really does mean so much to me and after every terrible thing I've read about this story from anonymous reviewers, you're amazing reviews made everything better. I love you guys.


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